Violet Voices

Misconceptions About Home Schooling

By the time I was in college, majoring in Education, I had experienced the following types of school settings: public elementary, private elementary, home schooling (middle school), private high school, and public high school. About the only thing I never did was boarding school!

My education professors quickly learned that if I was in their classes, it would not do to make sweeping generalizations about either private school or home school. They knew my hand would go up and I would provide a hard-to-refute alternative view based on personal experience. I was always polite and nice about it, but it surprised and troubled me to find out that there were so many negative stereotypes, especially about home school.

That was about 13 years ago, and a lot has changed in the perception of home schoolers. But I still notice some negative stereotypes or assumptions persist. I want to counter some of those today.

• Home schoolers lack peer socialization: I can’t believe this myth is still around! Good grief–most home school families probably have a larger peer group than kids in a classroom setting because they have different groups for different activities. I’m not active in our local home school groups, but even my kids are around their peers 4-5 times a week. I’m sure there are some kids that are unhealthily isolated, but that is definitely not the norm. And furthermore, a lot of home schooled kids have better social skills than their peers, just because they are in a setting where they get one-on-one training and practice with their parents, who have a vested interest in raising well-adapted children.

• Home schooled children are too sheltered and innocent: This was the excuse the husband of a friend of mine gave as to why they shouldn’t home school. Okay, sure, a home schooled child is probably not going to learn “playground language,” nasty jokes, or be persecuted in a locker room because of his body. She isn’t going to be teased for being smart, or for not wearing the right clothes, or have her bra strap snapped because she’s the first girl in fifth grade to wear one. Damn it! That’s such a shame. Yeah, we really shouldn’t be sheltering these poor, innocent homeschooled kids. Seriously, I don’t understand this complaint at all. Think of the pain you went through in school. Do you REALLY want your kids to suffer like that? And besides, home schooled kids may be more sheltered, but it doesn’t mean they’re helpless or gullible. They’ve got brains, confidence, and a sense of security that more than makes up for any lack of “life experience” they’ve been fortunate to have.

• Home school families are all religious fanatics. Bzzz!!! Wrong! I know lots of families who don’t home school for religious reasons at all. We don’t. We home school because we have children whose learning styles and learning needs would not be well served in a regular classroom–public or private. Believe me, if I felt that our public school would meet my girls’ needs, I’d have them enrolled in a heartbeat. Some families home school for religious reasons, but a lot don’t. And even those who do aren’t fanatics or freaks–well, not most of them. Don’t lump us all in with the few who are, please. Thanks.

• Home school kids are lazy and get a poor education. I’m hearing this one less frequently thanks to the well-publicized fact that home schooled kids tend to get so many academic scholarships and are so well represented in the National Merit Scholarship program. They typically score 20-30 points higher on college entrance exams than their peers. But still…occasionally some ignoramus spouts this one off, and I just have to say, “Who is the poorly educated one???”

• Home school families hate public schools: Well, okay…sometimes this one is true. I’ve heard a lot of parents with kids in private or home schools say a lot of nasty things about public schools. I’m sorry about that. Not all of us have a grudge about public schools. Every year, I really wish I could send my daughters to our public school. It’s a good school. It’s just not the right setting for their learning needs. But I know public school teachers–several at my church, even–and they are among the most dedicated, talented teachers I’ve ever met. I would like people to stop judging home schoolers’ motives for teaching their children at home, and I would like home schooling parents to be less judgmental of public schools. Just as there are good home school situations as well as bad ones, there are good (terrific) public schools as well as ones that need improvement. Let’s don’t judge either direction, okay?

Equally annoying are the “positive” stereotypes:

• Home school parents are more virtuous, spiritual, or dedicated to their kids. Yeah, whatever. I’m sure there are some parents who’d like you to think that, but they’re full of…well, you know. It smells. Truth is, we have good days and rotten days and in-between days just like anyone else. And some of us are home schooling because we feel it’s necessary for our children’s success, not because we want more sparkles on our halos. Lots of days, I don’t feel at all virtuous OR dedicated, and definitely not spiritual. So no pedestals, please.

• Home schooled kids are smarter and brighter than other kids. Don’t we wish! In reality, though, it’s the same sort of ability mix as the general population. Some of our children are gifted, some are mentally challenged, some have learning disabilities, some are just plain average. I think the reason that they often out-perform is more a matter of the one-on-one attention they get, and the fact that they have a teacher who is personally committed to them and knows all their strengths and weaknesses inside and out. I am an EXPERT about my children. In fact, thanks to their challenges, figuring them out has become something of a hobby for me–whether I like it or not. So I’m able to teach straight to what each of them needs in order to learn best. Of course they’re going to progress faster with that type of teaching. Few of us wouldn’t.

• Home schooled kids are good kids who never rebel, are always polite, and are hard workers. I can just hear all the home schooling parents screaming with laughter about this one! Our kids are NORMAL. Complete with tantrums, bad attitudes, rude behavior, and lack of motivation. But just like other NORMAL kids, they also have moments of such beauty and virtue, that it makes you catch your breath in wonder. (Wonder, as in wondering, “Why can’t they be like that all the time?”)

That’s all the ones I can think of. If you’ve got more, or good examples of any of these, please feel free to join Violet Voices and post your own experiences! Check out “Tell Your Story” for how to do that.

The Misconceptions About Home Schooling by Violet Voices, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Stay At Home Parents .  Email This Post