Violet Voices

Women’s history2 Comments. Your turn!

My friend Camy posted this past Saturday about the chapter she read in the book, Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. She shared some really interesting thoughts about it. And being the sort of person that I am–someone who really is shy about sharing their own thoughts and opinions, a person who really hates to make waves, so unsure of what I really think and believe, it’s so hard for me to chime in…

Okay, that’s all a bunch of crap. No shrinking violets, remember?

I had some thoughts about one particular point she raised, and I’m not at all hesitant to give my take on it. But I should come clean and state that I’m no fan of John Eldredge’s books. I haven’t read this one, and I think I will probably pass. So I’m responding solely according to Camy’s take on this chapter, not from my own experience with it.

In her response to the section explaining why women have seemed to be especially targeted for violence and oppression throughout history, she says:

I liked the argument about how Lucifer was beautiful, and so after his fall, it only makes sense that he’d go after the beauty in God’s creation—which includes Eve. In previous chapters (I think chapter two) the authors pointed out that women are made to reflect God’s beauty. It also makes sense that the murderer would attack the “mother of all the living.” (Gen. 3:20)

ON EDIT: I need to point out that Camy herself disagrees with this emphasis on beauty, as you’ll see if you read the rest of her post. She’s simply pointing out that it’s an interesting idea to think that Satan has a particular agenda against women.

I would have to say that I agree that if you look across the expanse of history, women have indeed been much more likely to be victims of oppression and of violence. And my theology is still conservative enough that I believe there is a real Satan who bears no love for humanity. I even agree that it certainly appears that he especially has it in for us gals.

But I don’t think it has much to do with us “being created for beauty” or any special hatred he has for the beauty of God’s creation.

First of all, women weren’t created for beauty. That’s the Eldredge’s obsession with European fairy tales getting mixed up with their theology–one of my biggest gripes about the authors. The Bible is clear in Genesis 2, about the purpose for the creation of women: because it was “not good” for the First Human to be alone. The actual phrase used to describe women in Genesis 2:20 is “ezer kenegdo.” “Ezer” is the word used of God and other strong powers who come to the aid or rescue of one in need. “Kenegdo” is a word that gives the picture of someone standing face to face with someone else. The picture here could be described as “a strong partner capable of rescuing or aiding” the Human.

Women were created to show all of humanity that it is not good or safe or wise to try to tackle life all by ourselves. We need each other. We need community. The Bible says nothing about the first woman being beautiful. It doesn’t even mention if Adam was sexually attracted to her or if they had romantic feelings for each other. We like to read that into the text because who doesn’t love a good love story?

But if the Eldredge book is claiming that woman’s primary purpose for existing is to be beautiful, I think there’s a paucity of solid scriptural backup for that. The Bible doesn’t present the value of a woman or the life purpose of a woman being wrapped up in beauty–either physical or spiritual. In fact, while the Bible does acknowledge the physical attractiveness of some of its characters–both male and female–the emphasis is always on that person’s behavior and heart toward the Lord, or lack of. And the virtues that are praised in a woman are the same that are praised in a man–purity, righteousness, whole-hearted dedication to the Lord, compassion, peace, wisdom, industry, etc.

For all we know, the first male and female could have been complete dogs according to our 21st century, American concept of beauty. But God pronounced them Very Good. My guess is that what God finds to be Good and Beautiful may be a BIT different from our definition.

So if not for the sake of “beauty” then why have women been so oppressed through the course of history? I guess I’d better give my suggestions on that tomorrow.

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow1 Comment. Be next.

Okay, cheesy title, I know. I promised to post the hair cutting episode from my novel, @Home For The Holidays, which is a comedy fiction book about stay-at-home moms (SAHMs). It’s the sequel to my first book, SAHM I Am. This is an email from my main character, Dulcie, to a bunch of her stay-at-home mom friends on the internet. Here you go…

My twins’ hair! Their long, beautiful dark brown tresses with the little bit of curl…GONE! I got home today and they both ran up to me, and I hardly recognized them. I found the culprit—that IMP, McKenzie, hiding behind the sofa, looking much like Adam and Eve must have when God came to check up on them in the garden. Tom just stood in the middle of the living room, cringing, waiting for my reaction.

“WHERE DID SHE GET SCISSORS FROM?”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he said, “She did it while I was cleaning up some broken glass.” Smooth evasion of the scissor question, but I was so distracted by the glass news that I let him get away with it.

“Broken glass???”

He held up a bandaged finger. “Let’s just say it’s been a long day…”

And I can’t even put the ponytails in their baby books because McKenzie STUFFED THEM DOWN THE TUB DRAIN! Plumbers are frightfully expensive, I found out.

I should just turn around and go back to the office. That’s what I should do. My poor little girls’ hair! No more bows. No more braids. No more ribbons. I told McKenzie I should cut off her hair, too, so it matches. That made her cry, so now I feel like a bad mom, too. But why should she get to keep her pretty hair when her sisters will look like shaggy refugees for MONTHS!

Heartbroken,

Dulcie

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent .  Email This Post

How To Cut Your Child’s Hair…Badly2 Comments. Your turn!

I don’t cut my own children’s hair. I can’t even manage cutting my own bangs without it looking like a three year old did it. But in this case last week, my lack of hair-cutting talent was just what this stay-at-home mom needed.

My oldest daughter has a thing for scissors. Starting when she was a pre-schooler, she has on various occasions done violence to her own hair as well as her younger sister’s hair. I don’t know why. She’s 8 now, and you’d think she’d have tired of this sort of misbehavior by now. (Okay, so I’m an overly optimistic mom.) I should write an article about Children Who Cut Their Siblings’ Hair and the Mothers Who Love Them Anyway. But that’s entirely too talk-showish for me.

Last week, I zoomed down the stairs, trying desperately to get the girls to piano lessons on time for once. They were supposed to be putting their toys away and getting their shoes on while I finished getting ready to go. And it seemed they had been successful. I was all set to reward my children’s good behavior.

But my youngest looked a bit funny. It was her bangs–or lack thereof. Big sister had been at it again! This time, she claimed it was because Little Sister was “annoying.” If I cut off Big Sister’s hair every time she annoyed me, she’d be bald by now…but I digress.

I get so mad sometimes at the apparent lack of progress she makes. It seems like we keep circling around the same issues ad nauseum. Like this. I hadn’t been upstairs more than 15 minutes, and she’d managed to get irritated at Little Sister and shear her. WHEN will she learn to think before she acts?

I had to come up with a consequence that was out of the ordinary. Something innovative. Something that would hopefully shock her into never trying this again. Let the punishment fit the crime. An eye for an eye, tooth for tooth…

Hair for hair???

It was daring. She’d never expect me to do it. Let’s see…any family pictures coming up? No. Any big events? A piano contest, but we could work around that. Nope. No reason I could see to forebear.

I told her that since Little Sister would spend the rest of the summer being shaggy-looking, it was only fair for Big Sister to join her. I grabbed the scissors and a handful of Big Sister’s hair and started whacking. She started crying and wailing about how awful she would look. I reminded her that she didn’t think of that before giving Little Sister a trim.

The pile of dark brown hair on the table grew bigger. She protested, “You’re making me look WORSE than my sister!” I told her she deserved it. By the time I was done, her bangs were hacked, and so were the sides. I told her that if she decided to continue cutting her sister’s hair, I would continue cutting hers, even if it meant shaving it all off. I think I convinced her.

Truthfully, the pile of hair on the table made me want to cry. I love that girl so much that even her hairs are precious to me. But hair grows back, and I really didn’t cut off too much. It was a consequence that was fair and relatively painless. But it’s stuff like this that makes being a mom a really, really crappy job. Hope someday they appreciate it.

Anyway, in honor of my lack of hair styling aptitude, I have found the following products, should you wish to actually give your child a real hair cut:

Haircutting For Dummies
–this book claims to have great instructions as well as a sense of humor. I can sure use that!

AriusEickert Prisma titanium-coated shears–if my daughter had a pair of these, she wouldn’t be able to resist using them on everything! Fortunately, they’re way too expensive for us! But I thought they were rather pretty.

It’s weird…I have a haircutting scene in @Home For The Holidays that I wrote months ago. I’ll have to post some of it tomorrow. I hate it when my life imitates my art.

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent .  Email This Post