Violet Voices

Bored Moms?

Gina, from over at Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted, found this incredibly fascinating true confession of a very bored mom and posted about it on Sunday. The article was just too intriguing to ignore, and I had to get my own two-cents in as well. So go read the article, go read Gina, and then come back and finish reading my thoughts on it. (Please.)

Okay, so it seems as if the majority of people responding to the article think this woman had no business even having kids if she’s going to be that selfish. And, I’ll admit, on first glance it does seem that she is about as self-centered as your average two year old. (Probably why she doesn’t want to play with the other children. 2 year olds rarely do, you know.)

But I think that she is reacting to the expectations that are put on parents, moms especially, that have nothing really to do with the act of parenting. She’s right that parenting doesn’t mean driving kids around town, playing board games, or attending every single performance. Those are cultural constructs that are quite unique to our time and society. And sorry, but lots of motherhood duties ARE extremely menial. Wiping feces off butts, washing dishes, and doing laundry are among some of the most menial tasks people in our culture are asked to do. Sitting at a kids sports event is not the most exciting thing in the world, and neither is playing Candyland. Most children’s movies are downright assinine.

So, if that’s how she is defining motherhood, she’s right. It’s as boring as you can get. And she also has a good point that child-centered parenting is just as harmful as neglectful parenting. I totally agree with her on that.

What I disagree with is her assumption that an adult has the right to always be entertained. At one point she commented that it’s okay for kids to be bored. Well, it’s okay for adults to be bored sometimes, too. And just as we expect our kids to entertain themselves at times, we should expect the same from ourselves. So if I’m bored sitting at a kiddie t-ball game, maybe I should bring along something else to keep me busy. Something that won’t offend my little tyke, of course, but something that I will enjoy doing. And at home, I think it’s okay to put up with boredom every so often in order to indulge my kids in a board game or take them to the pool or something. It’s also okay to tell them that “this time, mom is going to pass on that because I have something that I’m working on.”

But I think that the essentials of parenting are actually not at all boring. Taking the time to get inside my daughter’s private, internal world and finding out what she’s thinking and feeling is not boring to me. Creating an opportunity for me and my kids to talk together about things like growing up, God, friends, and even the questions they have about the evening news is interesting. Figuring out what makes my kids tick is a hobby.

So for me, it’s a balance. I don’t waste precious time feeling guilty for not “doing” more with my kids. But if I want to be part of their lives, I have to make time for them.

If this mom thinks parenting is really just about taking kids places, attending events, and cleaning house…no wonder she’s bored. Like almost everything else about this life, parenting is about building a relationship with one’s kids. That takes some time and investment, and it is that pay-off that makes parenting rewarding. If we’ve reduced parenting to the tasks and duties of making ourselves at the beck and call of our kids, then we are missing out on what it means to be a real parent. And we’re missing out on getting acquainted with the terrific little human beings God has put in our lives.

The Bored Moms? by Violet Voices, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent .  Email This Post