October
2006
Flash Fiction
by Vasthi Acosta
Recently on another blog site, Charis Connection, there was a flash fiction contest. Entries had to tell a stroy in 250 words. A story that would leave the reader thinking, maybe even create a shift in consciousness, end with a punch.
I decided to try my hand at writing this short piece. I didn’t win. Didn’t probably even hit the top twenty. The winners were fantastic. Go to the blog and check the stories in the archives.
But I wondered, if you’d read my flash fiction and tell me what you think.
Here goes. . .
If it were today
Maria rushed to prepare for Shabbat. Mama depended on her getting everything ready Friday nights. But she needed to get on the computer before sunset. Her best friend, Sara, would be sending the results of her pregnancy test.
Her heart hammered. Sara could not be pregnant.
Oh, please Adonai.
Sara made a mistake.
Please. Please. Spare her.
The wine glasses tipped and the ting of crystal hitting crystal forced Maria to slow down. She glanced at her watch. Two hours left. She’d do her homework on Sunday after the Sabbath.
Temptatiion. The Rabbi warned of it often. Sara ran to it. Both bethrothed to brothers at birth, Sara had found another love.
Maria rushed to the computer and checked her buddy list. Jose was online. Thank you Adonai, for giving me a love for my bethrothed.
Hey. Wad u get on the algebra test?
Don’t ask.
I passed. Want help?
Trouble by Pink announced Sara was online. Maria switched to her.
Tell me!
I’m dead. I’ll be excommunicated. Who’ll want me now?
No! R u?
I have no hope.
Stop. I’ll c u @ temple. Talk then?
Maria clicked her away message.
The room filled with blinding light. She fell on her knees. Peace covered her like a blanket. As if pulled by a string her head raised. She stared in awe at the vision. Fearful. Majestic beauty.
The angel spoke. “Shalom, favored woman. Eloyhim is with you! Do not be afraid Maria, for God has decided to bless you.”
***
So, what do you think?
License
This work is published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.
Written By: Vasthi Acosta
Posted under: Women's Voices . 
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Vashti - I like it. I enjoy reading and writing what if it were today type pieces.
It could use some tightening up to make it flow a bit better. But, all in all, your premise is good. I think instead of Maria clicking the away message, I would have Sara doing that with Maria left looking at the screen when the blinding light occurs.
but - the story is not mine. I think you did a fine job.
>..
Wow, I did not get the story until the puchline and then it open up like the blue sky after a storm. Then it was so familiar that it reminded me of a Neil Diamond song that says ” here I go with the same song again and you might hear it again soon” What a beautiful message that God could still find favor on us.
Rolandito
Just stopping by to visit…stumbled upon this wonderful site via the Writer Interrupted blog ring. Would love to be linked here, if you find my site worthy. Visit me at Light for the Writer’s Soul….some writerly inspiration for the soul.
Blessings,
Vicki
I agree with Barbara. It’s a good story Sara is Elizabeth and Maria is Mary I’d like to find out what happens next in this updated version.
Writ-on sister!!!
Nice work, Vashti.
I’ve been working a similar vein for years now. Suddenly it’s all the rage to write fiction with specific word counts. I’m not sure why my muse can only spare me 299 each time, but my stories are the length they are because that’s how long they last. No other reason.
Wishing you well. I couldn’t possibly think of writing something as long as a conventional novel. More power to you.