October
2006
Real beauty
by Vasthi Acosta
I know we are often judged by our outward appearance, to our own shame. Yes. I’m guilty of it too.
But for years I’ve told my daughter that the reason people call her beautiful was not because of her outside physical traits but because of her inside, her inner spirit. I tell her “the glow of your joyful, generous spirit shines and people see you as beautiful”.
I also stress that it is more important to me what she looks like on the inside (her spirit and soul) than what she looks like on the outside. Often, we would be approached and within her hearing, be told, “Wow — your daughter is stunning.” I’d always answer, “Yes. She’s wonderful inside too.”
It was my way of letting my daughter know that her heart was what counted. Who she became as a person. Her thoughts, emotions, beliefs, her essence was more important.
I felt as if I was fighting a losing battle, because everywhere she turned, my daughter would be blasted with the idea that her clothes, face, hair, height, weight, etc. was all that mattered when it came to beauty. I don’t have to tell you the messages young women receive regarding beauty today. You see the wrong message everywhere. Even to the point that the more emaciated you look, the better. (But that’s a topic for another day.)
So, it was surprising when I saw the Dove advertisements. Granted, I wasn’t thrilled with the naked women. But these were real women. They were shaped like my friends. They were the colors of my neighbors. Women I could relate to. Women who looked like me. I rejoiced!
And then it hit me. Why did I rejoice? Why such a big reaction to a simple advertisement? Did I feel affirmed? Why did it matter to me? Was I so hungry to find myself reflected in society, that a crumb like this ignited such a response? Or was it just the recognition of a comrade at arms?
I’m not sure yet. Still pondering.
But I know that the Bible says, true beauty “should not come from outward adornment. . . Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight,” 1 Peter 3:3 & 4.
So, I’ll keep fighting the good fight. Reminding myself and my daughter what true beauty is, and someday she’ll teach her daughter. And bit by bit, maybe we can turn the tide.
The Real beauty by Violet Voices, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Written By: Vasthi Acosta
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Women's Voices . 
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I hate the Dove campaign. I hate the attitude that goes with it. The now pervasive phrase “real woman” drives me crazy.
The definition of it is something along the lines of ” a woman whose scale puts her at any point between slightly overweight and morbidly obese”.
So where does that leave the rest of us? I know lots of women who are not overweight. Outside the media stereotype, that’s nearly sinful. I happen to be 5′6″ and a size 4. I have never been on a diet in my life, except briefly in college after two bouts of pneumonia in four months when I was on a diet to gain weight. Outside of the media, I am now considered an aberration. My weight is fair game for discussion by friends and acquaintances. A co-worker cases out my lunch tray every day and complains because I eat. People tell me that I will gain weight at some magic moment–when you turn 30–that was five years ago, and I actually weigh less than I did then, following a major illness at 32. When you get married or have kids…my mother has been married for 42 years and had two kids and is a size 2. And all over the web, and now in Dove commercials, I hear that I am not “a real woman”.
Perhaps we should strive for a day not when we no longer consider being thin and fit the standard (and no one has ever been able to convincingly explain to me how it could be a good thing for our society and the general health of our country for it to be considered so dreadfully wrong to not be overweight) but for when we start treating everyone with respect and dignity regardless of how God made them. The definition of womanhood should have nothing to do with weight. And it’s degrading that it does.
And I know this won’t be a popular response because skinny people are fair game. We’re not normal after all, and we have everything. I do not have everything. I’m single at 35 and haven’t had a date for forever. I don’t have a great income, and I live in a cheap apartment. Most of you probably have a lot more than I do. So maybe that alone could persuade us to lay to rest the mythology that weight defines everything in your life.
WOW! I guess you struck a cord there sis!!
I see both sides of the coin. I’ve been chubby and I’ve been a rail. There are prejudices all around for EVERYONE. Tall, short,round, square, black, white shall I go on?? We as christian woman trying to raise christian women have to realize that we fight with principalities and mental strongholds the point is for us all to recognize that what matters is our relationship with our lord and what that relationship does for us in and out. Keeping that our focus will help us defeat and overcome ALL negative thinking and withstand all negative words throuwn our way. WE ARE GOD’S CHILDREN!!! Praise god!! Nothing else matters!!
I have to say that I agree with Mercy and with Amy. I have been both skinny and overweight and both have come with blessings and issues. I like that Amy said that the definition of womanhood should have nothing to do with weight because I agree with her 150%. Unfortunately, when one hears it so often and is bombarded with all types of negative comments about weight, one’s weight does become a reality.
So at 48 and extremely overweight, I do yoga, I walk and just try to stay healthy because at the end of the day that’s what’s important.
Unfortunately or fortunately (’i'm not sure which) i do have to lose weight because carrying my weight has become painful on a daily basis, my knees and feet are in constant pain because, especially when i walk the George Washington bridge 2-3 times per week, they’re are screaming for relief.
Anyway, I just want to be happy regardless of my weight or marital status, I just want to be the woman that God intended me to be!
God bless ladies and I love you all.
Growing up with 3 sisters, there were always “looks” issues in our home. Who was fatter, thinner, had better hair, etc.? I remember asking my mom more than once if she thought I was pretty. Her answer was predictable - “Pretty is as pretty does.” Truthfully, I never was satisfied with that answer because I knew I did not always “do pretty.”
As I matured and watched my mom model the beauty of Jesus, I realized that I could not “do pretty” without his beauty in me.
I will never win a pageant, but I’m happy with who I am because of whose I am. I pray that my doings will always reflect his beauty. Nothing Dove can formulate will ever rival that!
What is the saying? “Beauty is only skin deep but ugliness runs to the bone.” I think beauty from within shines brightly. I do agree with Vasthi that it is a constant battle to fight what is thrown at us on a daily basis. Let’s keep our focus on the One who makes all of us beautiful - way beyond what the world can put out. I rejoice as I see each one reflecting the Lord’s beauty. And that beauty is seen in Vasthi and her daughter!