January
2007
My Daughter’s Adventures on Google
by Meredith Efken
I walked into our study yesterday, where my oldest daughter (just turned 9 years old) was supposed to be working on her school work at the computer. What I saw instead made me want to scream.
Against all our computer rules, she was on Google video, watching a video that had a very questionable title and that had the tone and mood of the sort of explicit material you hope to God your child will never stumble across. She had headphones on, so I have no idea what new vocabulary she picked up, but the images themselves were enough to make my heart stop.
When she realized I was there, she looked quite guilty, and shut the browser down with a muttered “Sorry mom.” But I knew I couldn’t leave it at that.
I was tempted to yell at her, and punish her in the hopes that she’d never try something like that again. I felt angry at whoever had produced the video and at Google for allowing something like that on their search engine. And I felt angry at myself for not having our computer locked down so tight she’d never end up exposed to such trash.
But I think God put a restraining hand on my heart because my words came out gentle and calm. “So what did you think of that video?”
She stared at me, obviously not expecting this response from her admittedly dramatic mother. Then, she said, “I didn’t like it.”
“Why not?”
“They were mean to each other.”
“Really? What happened?” I was fearing her reply.
“These two girls were going out on a date and they slapped a waiter.”
Hmm…at least it didn’t sound like the video had shown too much yet. I think I got there in time to prevent the worst damage.
“How do you feel about that?”
Her face crumpled into tears. I pulled her onto my lap and held her, comforting her. She said, “I feel awful. It was a horrible video!”
The upshot is, she wanted to look up “dates” on the internet because she thinks dating sounds interesting. And she got way more than she could handle. We talked about how she needs to be a lot older before she’s ready to date. She agreed she wasn’t ready right now.
I made her look at me. “Listen to me. If you ever have questions about dates, boys, kissing, etc. don’t go looking on the internet for answers. You come to your mama. I promise I will never lie to you.”
And we talked about how there was lots of good stuff on the internet, too. (Evidently, she’d also watched a video of a baby goat being born, and thought that was fantastic.) But that she needed mom and dad to help her learn how to stay safe. I told her there was a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet, and if she couldn’t follow our rules about using the internet, then we’d have to protect her and keep her safe by not allowing her to use the computer at all.
I also told her I think God made sure I caught her, in order to rescue her. She agreed that she’d gotten in way over her head, and she even thanked me for pulling her out. But she kept crying. I think what she saw damaged her innocent little soul. We prayed together that God would repair the damage, but my heart aches to think of it.
So now, she’s grounded from computer use for a week. And when she comes back to the computer, she will find some new safety features in force, thanks to her computer-programming daddy.
I’m glad I didn’t yell at her. She already was suffering from her foolishness, and didn’t need further punishment. But part of me wishes that she’d gotten on some harmless kids’ site and that I’d had to yell and punish. It would have hurt her far less than what actually happened. I think she’ll be okay. I’m just glad I caught her in time.
The My Daughter’s Adventures on Google by Violet Voices, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents . 
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AAarghghg… things like this are so angering! Not that the little one was curious, what child isn’t? But that trash is so easily and readily available to them!!! And what’s even more angering, those at the top who can do something about it don’t seem to care.
Praise God you walked in when you did and your response was such as it was. I’m sure that has opened coversation in the future and made it less intimading and overwhelming to approach you.
Way to handle it mom! Sounds like You Did Good!
Thanks, momrn2. It is angering. I think there is probably some that internet companies like Google could do, but to be fair–there are ways to skirt around the restrictions. Everything from how you set up your URL to meta tags. I don’t know a lot about it, but I know there’s a lot of scumbags out there who have a deep interest in getting around whatever restrictions have been placed.
That’s one reason why we aren’t going to bother with getting a child filter on the kids’ computer. We have it set up right now to where they can’t get on the internet at all unless I put in a password. So I’ll put in the URLs I want them to see, and keep an eye on them to make sure that’s ALL they see. But my husband–who’s a programmer–says that the filters are pretty easy to wiggle around, so we’d have to watch out anyway. He doesn’t want us to abdicate our vigilance and leave it to a program. So we’re planning to keep close watch and teach our kids what’s safe and what’s not. We can’t keep them off it forever, but I’m hoping we can make them street-smart when it comes to cyberspace.
Oh, Meredith, I’m so sorry this happened to your little girl. Praise God you found her, and I think you handled the situation very well.
I’m working on a Voices piece about my fall on the ice this week - I’m bruised and sore but much better now than I was earlier in the week!
Thanks, Pattie. I’m sorry to hear about your fall. I hope you heal quickly. {{{Pattie}}}
oh, my heart just aches for our children. God be praised and thanked that He led you to react in the way that you did. Your little girl will long remember the lesson, but she will even longer remember your reaction.
blessings.
>..
I am so glad she didn’t stumble into anything worse. I am impressed that you didn’t let your strong emotions get the better of you..praise God! I shudder to think how horrid the internet will be for the future generations. FYI: there is backdoor way of getting on the internet without a password. I’m sure Jason knows this, and Jess is not likely to know how to do this..yet. Just so you guys know for the future.
Take care. Ang
We have had a few instances in our house with four children (three grown) and one just 15 and yes, sometimes you just want to take a hammer to the computer. You did the right thing, you talked to her about it - you communicated.
What a great mom you are! Hugs!
Hi Meredith,
No I haven’t bailed on you. I’ve had a full plate with my 15 hour work days lately. This is a great post. My son is 7 and getting interested in looking things up on line and playing video games. I know I am going to have to find NetNanny soon…or some other great filter. And I love the heart to heart you had with your child–a so much better solution than a screamfest.