Violet Voices

Girls Only–Revisited3 Comments. Your turn!

By Meredith Efken

A couple weeks ago, I got an intriguing comment to an archived post about alternative menstrual products. I felt the comment deserved a response, so I’ve decided to dedicate a new post to it.

Michelle says:

Maybe you shouldn’t too proud of your periods. It is after all a reminder that we women are responsible for original sin (via Eve). It seems to me that our periods should be inconvenient.

This sentiment made me terribly sad. I don’t think I know Michelle, but if she happens to see this post, I want her to know that God is not a vengeful, punishing Being who bears a grudge against all women because of Eve. He loves us, and our bodies and the way they function are a beautiful gift from Him because of that love.

I didn’t always believe this either, Michelle. I used to feel similarly to you. I used to think that God somehow wanted His daughters to be uncomfortable and in pain to forever punish us for something one woman did ages ago. I don’t know how my faith ever survived that horrible teaching. But I can tell you that I experienced such a sense of healing and love when I finally was presented with the truth.

Without getting into a lengthy theological discussion, I would like to point out that the Genesis account of the sin of Adam and Eve, as well as later references to it in the New Testament, clearly portray Eve’s problem as one of deception, and Adam’s problem as one of rebellion. Now, either way, the end result was still sin and death entering what had been a perfect world. But the teaching that Eve is somehow solely responsible or more culpable than Adam is completely incorrect. If anything, the Bible places slightly more guilt on Adam because he was not deceived–he sinned deliberately.

Furthermore, if you’ll notice in Genesis 3, God curses the Serpent directly. But that is the only being that is directly cursed. The only other time the word “Cursed” is used is in reference to the ground, because of what ADAM did. Eve is never cursed, and neither is anything cursed because of her.

Regarding all this stuff about pain in childbirth, etc., God’s Word To Women has a very good scripture study about this. My view is that God is simply letting Eve know what the consequences will be for what’s happened. As a result of her deception and Adam’s rebellion, things changed horribly. Their relationship was ruined. And because of the changes that would now take place between them and in the world at large, childbirth would become something that would cause pain.

This word for “pain” in Hebrew is the same one that God uses when He tells Adam that he would now have to “toil” to work the ground. It’s also a word that connotes deep emotional or spiritual sorrow and grief. I personally think this means that God was simply acknowledging that now that sin was in the world, raising children and caring for them would leave a person open to great sorrow because of the hurts that child would face. As a parent, this seems to be far more significant than simply physical pain during childbirth. (And I should know–I had the pregnancy from hell!!!)

So, am I “proud” of my periods? I don’t think that’s quite the word for it. I am grateful that God has made my body so wonderful and complex. If I take pride in anything, it is in the creative powers of the God that I worship. I want to treat my body–including my reproductive system–with care and respect.

But I don’t agree that there is any Biblical basis for suggesting that monthly cycles ought to be inconvenient or even painful simply as a way of punishing women. That doesn’t line up with the God I worship, who describes Himself as “loving, kind, faithful, and merciful.” I do acknowledge that periods can be inconvenient and painful, but I still maintain that as we women learn to understand our bodies better and appreciate them, there is much we can do to work with the way God has made us, instead of against. And this will result in bodies that function with less pain and with less inconvenience.

To me, this is all part of God’s redemption plan. His mercy. His kindness.

Because He loves me. A woman.

For Michelle, and any other woman out there who feels the way she does, I pray that this God of Love and Mercy will lift your heads and reveal to your hearts exactly how beautiful and precious you are to Him–in mind, spirit, AND in body.

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Cats and Dogs1 Comment. Be next.

Several years ago, there was a Super Bowl commercial for Mountain Dew (click here to watch the commercial on YouTube). There is a guy (who actually happens to be my actor cousin) riding a dirt bike, chasing a cheetah over the rocky terrain. He finally catches up to the cheetah, pulls out an empty Mountain Dew can, and says, “Bad cheetah!”

The best line is the last one, where the biker’s friend says, “See? That’s why I’m not a cat person!”

I was thinking about cats and dogs today, when I read an online friend’s blog and saw that her family adopted a new dog. I’m absolutely a dog person, not a cat person. There have only been two cats who have tolerated me: KittyKat, whom I used to watch in high school when her family went out of town, and Buttons, my best friend’s cat who lived with us one month when my allergic husband was away.

My dog now is Princess Buttercup, an adopted spoiled rotten cocker spaniel who is a great companion to me. Why is she so great? Well, she’s loyal while also slightly neurotic (she likes to tear up used kleenex while I’m out and leave the pieces out for me to clean up when I come home). She’s always home with me, and she responds to my voice. She comes to me when I call her. She’s a good lap warmer when I’m on the couch. And she listens.

There is no doubt who is Princess’s master. It’s me. Always. My husband says when I’m gone, she goes upstairs and sleeps. She doesn’t really come to life, not really, until I’m home.

Mark Twain has a quotation about dogs that I absolutely adore:

“Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”

I hope that I’m as loyal to Christ as my dog is to me.

So, are you a cat person? Or a dog person?

Written By: Pattie
Posted under: Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Six Weird Things7 Comments. Your turn!

by Meredith Efken

I was tagged last week by Amber Miller (scroll down to “Tag You’re It” on February 12, 2007), and didn’t have a chance to get my participating post up yet. So here goes.

Six Weird Things About…AMBER MILLER!

(Oh, oops. You mean this isn’t supposed to be me commenting on Amber? It’s supposed to be weird things about ME? Okay…if you insist.)

All right, Six Weird Things About Me. (Other than my warped sense of humor…)

1. I can’t stand wrinkled, untucked sheets on my bed. If I can feel the wrinkles at my feet, I have to get up and straighten everything before I can go to sleep.
2. I absolutely LOVE the country of Wales and aspire to be fluent in Welsh someday. I’d also like to at least visit Wales for an extended time. I don’t understand why this country fascinates me so, but I love the land, the language, the people, the history…everything.
3. Cracking crab legs makes me physically ill. In college, I was on a date and had ordered crab legs. Never had them before, and the minute my date started showing me how to use the cracker on them, I got woozy and had to leave the restaurant. I felt so bad, I insisted on paying for dinner, but I think my date gallantly refused.
4. I don’t use an office chair at my desk. I use an exercise ball. I find that it helps greatly with relieving pain in my lower back and in my wrists. And when I think of something brilliant for my books, I can bounce with excitement.
5. I don’t like coffee. I like chai.
6. My feet are almost always cold and I have to wear thick wool socks all year, except for summer, to keep them from getting numb.

I think that’s all. I will now tag some fabulous fellow bloggers to talk about six weird things about THEM, not ME!

Christine Lynxwiler

Angie Farnsworth

Jacinda Shanks

Purple Moose

Chaos-Jamie

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Prayer for Parenting Wisdom3 Comments. Your turn!

By Cynthia

Dear Lord,
When I have days like today, when I am frustrated with my child, with my own parenting skills — when I lose my patience and my voice begins to rise to ungodly heights — Lord, help me. I know this beautiful child you’ve give me is only testing his limits, trying to see how much he can get away with and me still love him. Lord, he doesn’t know that I will love him no matter what. He doesn’t appreciate that my discipline is to keep him from harm’s way — to save him some heartache in the future. He hasn’t matured enough to realize that mommy wants only the best for him, that mommy cannot bear the thought of him going astray. He wants what he wants because he is a child. He wants what he wants because he is human. He wants what he cannot have, because it seems so wonderfully forbidden.

I know that God. I know that because I am him. I struggle with the same thing. I, too, have seemingly uncontrollable desires. I, too, struggle in my growth to see that the denial of things is for my own good. I still sometimes reach out and touch the fire, knowing full well it is hot. That it will hurt. That it will scar. I still run to You in shame and pain needing Your healing touch. And You, how You must grieve to think that You warned me, and I didn’t listen. I cry, because I want to please you. I repent and apologize. And through all of it, I grow.

I don’t want a rebellious spirit. I don’t want a unteachable spirit. I want more of You. I want to be like You. Work in me, Oh God. Change me. Grant me wisdom for parenting and life.
Make me the mother, wife, and Christian I should be, for this is my heart’s desire.

–Amen

Written By: Cynthia
Posted under: On Being a Parent .  Email This Post

Lies1 Comment. Be next.

By Vasthi Acosta

Sometimes I just want to live in ignorance, deceive myself into a lull of false security. Let the lies the world bombards guide me in my life decisions.

Thankfully, God loves me too much to let that go on for too long. So lately, I’ve confronted some lies in my life.

In my Sunday school class we’ve been studying a book by Tracie Peterson, Allison Bottke and Dianne O’Brian titled, I can’t do it all! Breaking free from the lies that control us. This book has made me do some serious self examination. So far, we’ve covered half of the fourteen lies presented:

I deserve to have it all, and have it all right now.

I need a man/baby/career/money to be happy and fulfilled.

I can do it all.

I can’t trust anybody.

I can make my own truth.

If I’m unhappy, I don’t have to stay.

I don’t have time to be healthy.

I must be thin to be happy — for the media tellls me so.

True love is like a romance novel.

I can be young forever.

It’s my choice.

The more I do, the more God will like me.

I don’t need to forgive — and I don’t deserve forgiveness.

I don’t need God.

I’ve learned a lot so far, mostly about myself and my need to walk in truth. I’ve learned that I have to seek God first, and as I seek Him, my heart will change, my worries will dissipate, my strength will be renewed, my path will become staright, I ‘ll never be alone and His peace will envelop me. I just need to stay connected to the source — Jesus Christ.

I also learned I’m not alone in this struggle, many women are just like me. So, what lies is the world yelling at you today? Which ones have you fallen victim to?

Just call, help is on the way.

Written By: Vasthi Acosta
Posted under: Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Faithchick Post0 Comments. Be first!

by Meredith Efken

I’m blogging today over at Faithchicks, on the subject of peace. Please come over and check it out!

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Interview with Sharon Hinck3 Comments. Your turn!

by Meredith Efken

I’m so excited to welcome Sharon Hinck to Violet Voices today. Sharon has been a friend of mine for several years, and we met at a writers conference shortly after both of us had sold our first mom-lit novels. We have the same terrific literary agent, and share a love of fine literature and intellectual stimulation.

Now, she is releasing her second mom-lit novel, Renovating Becky Miller, which is a terrific sequel to the first, The Secret Life of Becky Miller. And we’re lucky to have been including in her blog tour to welcome her new book into the world.
Her interview is below, followed by a link to more information about Renovating Becky Miller and how to get your own copy!

I’m so thrilled to be part of your blog tour, Sharon. When they asked for volunteers, I jumped at the chance.

You and I have chatted a lot about literature and the fact that we both like a good intellectually stimulating read. What literature do you think most influences your own fiction, in terms of style or themes, etc.?

Hi Meredith!
It’s so great to be here to visit. I’ve always read such a weird mish-mash that it’s hard for me to pinpoint my influences. I suppose if I was classy I’d say I have eclectic tastes. But really, it’s a hodgepodge.

As a child I read Mark Twain (The Conneticut Yankee was a favorite long before I could understand much of it) and Jack London (The Sea Wolf was far better than any episode of Survivor), Dickens, Austen, the Brontes, Robert Louis Stevenson. As I grew up I dove into every corner of our local library – but fiction was always my favorite.

Writers are often told that they can find a clue to which genre they are meant to write by looking at what they like to read. That hasn’t worked for me. I read pulp mysteries, literary fiction, sci-fi and fantasy, historicals, humorous contemporaries, dark suspense.

I’d say I’m most captivated by works that have something unexpected or blend genres in an unusual way. In recent years I’ve enjoyed Gabaldon’s Outlander series, Ella Minnow Pea (Mark Dunn), Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next books, The Stolen Child, The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. I’d love to be able to write with both intelligence and humor, with layers.

I also have read stacks and stacks of fiction by Christian authors in the past few years and love watching characters grapple with faith issues in a wide variety of genres. My fourteen-year-old daughter and I just went to a bag sale at our library and each nabbed fifty books – only $2 a bag. We were in heaven. It was fun showing each other our finds afterwards, and they ranged through every category. That must be why I’m such a “everything and the kitchen sink” kind of novelist.

I think “kitchen sink” novelists are the best kind. Speaking of kitchen sinks…here’s the question everyone always asks me—how do you balance being a wife, mom, writer, and whatever else it is that you do?

Balance? I think that page is missing from my dictionary. But I show up each day. I try to listen for God’s interruptions (because that’s where a lot of my life happens).

I hear you! In Renovating Becky Miller, your main character is working on remodeling a run-down farmhouse. I personally can relate to the remodeling a run-down house experience. Is this something you’ve gone through, too? If so, what was your worst (or funniest) remodel story?

My husband and I have fixed up and remodeled each place we’ve lived. We’re eternal optimists who continue to be startled by the problems we discover when we tackle what’s meant to be a “quick weekend project.”

LOL! You and I are soul-sisters on that, honey.

Our first home was a poor abused little brick house that had been used as a rental before we bought it. The first night (sleeping on the floor, because we were building a closet in the bedroom) we learned that even though we’d pulled out the smelly old carpets, the house was infested with fleas. The windows looked like amber stained glass because of tobacco smoke. But the oddest discovery was when the dryer wouldn’t work and Ted tinkered with it to try to fix it. He found chicken bones in the dryer. We never did figure out why someone had been drying chicken bones in the clothes dryer.

Oh my. I’m not sure I’d WANT to know! Well, you’ve had a lot of mom experience…how about some free advice? My oldest daughter just turned nine and announced to me recently that she has a crush on the cousin of one of her friends. Any parenting advice or tips or encouragement for me?

On the theme of remodeling – now is the time to build a Rapunzel-style tower to keep her locked up in. And cut her hair short.

LOL! We’ll get right on that–I promise. (Oh, here…time out for a snapshot of me and Sharon at the 2006 Mount Hermon Christian Writer’s Conference. I think we both look a bit peaked…being a writer is a tough job!) 

Do you have any inspiring thoughts to share with the parents who read this blog who may sometimes feel as if their own lives are on hold because of the demands of their children? Is it possible for them to still pursue their own dreams and goals as well? If so, how?

Okay, this may sound weird (so what else is new?) but sometimes when I feel a little “trapped” or “limited” it comforts me to think about people who really ARE in a prison. Richard Wurmbrand (a Romanian pastor who was imprisoned and tortured for his faith) talked about feeling joy when the cell door closed on him, because he was “shut up with my Jesus.” Wow. When I’m folding the bazillionth load of laundry and wondering if God remembers I’m there in the basement, longing to make a difference in the world, I think about how Christians through the ages have taken joy in whatever circumstance they are in, and watched for ways to serve.

I’ve also noticed that with Biblical heroes. God may stir a calling to serve Him in a special way and then wait years for the big picture to unfold. I love dreaming big. I want God to use me to bring grace to a suffering world. But I’m slowly learning that God’s grace can pour out through our small choices and seemingly insignificant actions.

I want to stop measuring how valuable I am on this planet by the standards of this culture. I can’t throw a football, win American Idol, or build a mega-church. I CAN listen to my husband’s hopes, put a bandaid on a child’s skinned knee, pray with a friend, or send an encouraging email. As a SAHM, I often don’t get to set the course for my day. I spend a lot of time reacting to the needs that come up around me. And really, that’s kind of exciting. We are all sort of God’s secret agents – ready to handle any mission He sends our way.

Meredith, thanks so much for letting me pop by to visit, and I can’t wait until we have a chance to have a good long talk in person again. I love the way you convey intelligent, real women in your books, with depth and sharp wit. I also love popping in to read your blog (although I’ve had to start rationing my blog-reading time because of deadlines). Blessings! Sharon

You are welcome any time, my friend!

Please make sure to check out Sharon’s latest book, Renovating Becky Miller.

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Tomorrow: Special Appearance by Sharon Hinck0 Comments. Be first!

by Meredith Efken

Mom-lit author extraordinaire, Sharon Hinck, recently released her second novel. Renovating Becky Miller continues the story from The Secret Life of Becky Miller, detailing Becky’s move to a dilapidated farmhouse and her quest for a more peaceful existence.

To welcome this novel into the world, Sharon is embarking on a blog tour, and tomorrow is her stop here at Violet Voices. I have a fabulous interview with her, so you won’t want to miss it. We talk about remodeling, tween girls, balance, and finding freedom when you feel trapped by life.

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices .  Email This Post

Resolving Conflicts2 Comments. Your turn!

by Meredith Efken

In my newfound quest to bring more peace into this world, starting in my own home, I’m trying to do a better job of teaching my kids how to resolve conflicts. Here is a good article called “Six Steps For Resolving Conflicts” that outlines an easy to use conflict resolution strategy.  What strategies have you found that help you resolve conflicts?

Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent .  Email This Post