22
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
I was tagged last week by Amber Miller (scroll down to “Tag You’re It” on February 12, 2007), and didn’t have a chance to get my participating post up yet. So here goes.
Six Weird Things About…AMBER MILLER!
(Oh, oops. You mean this isn’t supposed to be me commenting on Amber? It’s supposed to be weird things about ME? Okay…if you insist.)
All right, Six Weird Things About Me. (Other than my warped sense of humor…)
- I can’t stand wrinkled, untucked sheets on my bed. If I can feel the wrinkles at my feet, I have to get up and straighten everything before I can go to sleep.
- I absolutely LOVE the country of Wales and aspire to be fluent in Welsh someday. I’d also like to at least visit Wales for an extended time. I don’t understand why this country fascinates me so, but I love the land, the language, the people, the history…everything.
- Cracking crab legs makes me physically ill. In college, I was on a date and had ordered crab legs. Never had them before, and the minute my date started showing me how to use the cracker on them, I got woozy and had to leave the restaurant. I felt so bad, I insisted on paying for dinner, but I think my date gallantly refused.
- I don’t use an office chair at my desk. I use an exercise ball. I find that it helps greatly with relieving pain in my lower back and in my wrists. And when I think of something brilliant for my books, I can bounce with excitement.
- I don’t like coffee. I like chai.
- My feet are almost always cold and I have to wear thick wool socks all year, except for summer, to keep them from getting numb.
I think that’s all. I will now tag some fabulous fellow bloggers to talk about six weird things about THEM, not ME!
Christine Lynxwiler
Angie Farnsworth
Jacinda Shanks
Purple Moose
Chaos-Jamie
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . 
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11
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
I’m blogging today over at Faithchicks, on the subject of peace. Please come over and check it out!
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
9
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
I’m so excited to welcome Sharon Hinck to Violet Voices today. Sharon has been a friend of mine for several years, and we met at a writers conference shortly after both of us had sold our first mom-lit novels. We have the same terrific literary agent, and share a love of fine literature and intellectual stimulation.
Now, she is releasing her second mom-lit novel, Renovating Becky Miller, which is a terrific sequel to the first, The Secret Life of Becky Miller. And we’re lucky to have been including in her blog tour to welcome her new book into the world.
Her interview is below, followed by a link to more information about Renovating Becky Miller and how to get your own copy!
I’m so thrilled to be part of your blog tour, Sharon. When they asked for volunteers, I jumped at the chance.
You and I have chatted a lot about literature and the fact that we both like a good intellectually stimulating read. What literature do you think most influences your own fiction, in terms of style or themes, etc.?
Hi Meredith!
It’s so great to be here to visit. I’ve always read such a weird mish-mash that it’s hard for me to pinpoint my influences. I suppose if I was classy I’d say I have eclectic tastes. But really, it’s a hodgepodge.
As a child I read Mark Twain (The Conneticut Yankee was a favorite long before I could understand much of it) and Jack London (The Sea Wolf was far better than any episode of Survivor), Dickens, Austen, the Brontes, Robert Louis Stevenson. As I grew up I dove into every corner of our local library – but fiction was always my favorite.
Writers are often told that they can find a clue to which genre they are meant to write by looking at what they like to read. That hasn’t worked for me. I read pulp mysteries, literary fiction, sci-fi and fantasy, historicals, humorous contemporaries, dark suspense.
I’d say I’m most captivated by works that have something unexpected or blend genres in an unusual way. In recent years I’ve enjoyed Gabaldon’s Outlander series, Ella Minnow Pea (Mark Dunn), Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next books, The Stolen Child, The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. I’d love to be able to write with both intelligence and humor, with layers.
I also have read stacks and stacks of fiction by Christian authors in the past few years and love watching characters grapple with faith issues in a wide variety of genres. My fourteen-year-old daughter and I just went to a bag sale at our library and each nabbed fifty books – only $2 a bag. We were in heaven. It was fun showing each other our finds afterwards, and they ranged through every category. That must be why I’m such a “everything and the kitchen sink†kind of novelist.
I think “kitchen sink” novelists are the best kind. Speaking of kitchen sinks…here’s the question everyone always asks me—how do you balance being a wife, mom, writer, and whatever else it is that you do?
Balance? I think that page is missing from my dictionary. But I show up each day. I try to listen for God’s interruptions (because that’s where a lot of my life happens).
I hear you! In Renovating Becky Miller, your main character is working on remodeling a run-down farmhouse. I personally can relate to the remodeling a run-down house experience. Is this something you’ve gone through, too? If so, what was your worst (or funniest) remodel story?
My husband and I have fixed up and remodeled each place we’ve lived. We’re eternal optimists who continue to be startled by the problems we discover when we tackle what’s meant to be a “quick weekend project.â€
LOL! You and I are soul-sisters on that, honey.
Our first home was a poor abused little brick house that had been used as a rental before we bought it. The first night (sleeping on the floor, because we were building a closet in the bedroom) we learned that even though we’d pulled out the smelly old carpets, the house was infested with fleas. The windows looked like amber stained glass because of tobacco smoke. But the oddest discovery was when the dryer wouldn’t work and Ted tinkered with it to try to fix it. He found chicken bones in the dryer. We never did figure out why someone had been drying chicken bones in the clothes dryer.
Oh my. I’m not sure I’d WANT to know! Well, you’ve had a lot of mom experience…how about some free advice? My oldest daughter just turned nine and announced to me recently that she has a crush on the cousin of one of her friends. Any parenting advice or tips or encouragement for me?
On the theme of remodeling – now is the time to build a Rapunzel-style tower to keep her locked up in. And cut her hair short.
LOL! We’ll get right on that–I promise. (Oh, here…time out for a snapshot of me and Sharon at the 2006 Mount Hermon Christian Writer’s Conference. I think we both look a bit peaked…being a writer is a tough job!)Â 
Do you have any inspiring thoughts to share with the parents who read this blog who may sometimes feel as if their own lives are on hold because of the demands of their children? Is it possible for them to still pursue their own dreams and goals as well? If so, how?
Okay, this may sound weird (so what else is new?) but sometimes when I feel a little “trapped†or “limited†it comforts me to think about people who really ARE in a prison. Richard Wurmbrand (a Romanian pastor who was imprisoned and tortured for his faith) talked about feeling joy when the cell door closed on him, because he was “shut up with my Jesus.†Wow. When I’m folding the bazillionth load of laundry and wondering if God remembers I’m there in the basement, longing to make a difference in the world, I think about how Christians through the ages have taken joy in whatever circumstance they are in, and watched for ways to serve.
I’ve also noticed that with Biblical heroes. God may stir a calling to serve Him in a special way and then wait years for the big picture to unfold. I love dreaming big. I want God to use me to bring grace to a suffering world. But I’m slowly learning that God’s grace can pour out through our small choices and seemingly insignificant actions.
I want to stop measuring how valuable I am on this planet by the standards of this culture. I can’t throw a football, win American Idol, or build a mega-church. I CAN listen to my husband’s hopes, put a bandaid on a child’s skinned knee, pray with a friend, or send an encouraging email. As a SAHM, I often don’t get to set the course for my day. I spend a lot of time reacting to the needs that come up around me. And really, that’s kind of exciting. We are all sort of God’s secret agents – ready to handle any mission He sends our way.
Meredith, thanks so much for letting me pop by to visit, and I can’t wait until we have a chance to have a good long talk in person again. I love the way you convey intelligent, real women in your books, with depth and sharp wit. I also love popping in to read your blog (although I’ve had to start rationing my blog-reading time because of deadlines). Blessings! Sharon
You are welcome any time, my friend!
Please make sure to check out Sharon’s latest book, Renovating Becky Miller.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
8
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
Mom-lit author extraordinaire, Sharon Hinck, recently released her second novel. Renovating Becky Miller continues the story from The Secret Life of Becky Miller, detailing Becky’s move to a dilapidated farmhouse and her quest for a more peaceful existence.
To welcome this novel into the world, Sharon is embarking on a blog tour, and tomorrow is her stop here at Violet Voices. I have a fabulous interview with her, so you won’t want to miss it. We talk about remodeling, tween girls, balance, and finding freedom when you feel trapped by life.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
1
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
In my newfound quest to bring more peace into this world, starting in my own home, I’m trying to do a better job of teaching my kids how to resolve conflicts. Here is a good article called “Six Steps For Resolving Conflicts” that outlines an easy to use conflict resolution strategy. What strategies have you found that help you resolve conflicts?
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent . Email This Post
26
January
2007
by Meredith Efken
I walked into our study yesterday, where my oldest daughter (just turned 9 years old) was supposed to be working on her school work at the computer. What I saw instead made me want to scream.
Against all our computer rules, she was on Google video, watching a video that had a very questionable title and that had the tone and mood of the sort of explicit material you hope to God your child will never stumble across. She had headphones on, so I have no idea what new vocabulary she picked up, but the images themselves were enough to make my heart stop.
When she realized I was there, she looked quite guilty, and shut the browser down with a muttered “Sorry mom.” But I knew I couldn’t leave it at that.
I was tempted to yell at her, and punish her in the hopes that she’d never try something like that again. I felt angry at whoever had produced the video and at Google for allowing something like that on their search engine. And I felt angry at myself for not having our computer locked down so tight she’d never end up exposed to such trash.
But I think God put a restraining hand on my heart because my words came out gentle and calm. “So what did you think of that video?”
She stared at me, obviously not expecting this response from her admittedly dramatic mother. Then, she said, “I didn’t like it.”
“Why not?”
“They were mean to each other.”
“Really? What happened?” I was fearing her reply.
“These two girls were going out on a date and they slapped a waiter.”
Hmm…at least it didn’t sound like the video had shown too much yet. I think I got there in time to prevent the worst damage.
“How do you feel about that?”
Her face crumpled into tears. I pulled her onto my lap and held her, comforting her. She said, “I feel awful. It was a horrible video!”
The upshot is, she wanted to look up “dates” on the internet because she thinks dating sounds interesting. And she got way more than she could handle. We talked about how she needs to be a lot older before she’s ready to date. She agreed she wasn’t ready right now.
I made her look at me. “Listen to me. If you ever have questions about dates, boys, kissing, etc. don’t go looking on the internet for answers. You come to your mama. I promise I will never lie to you.”
And we talked about how there was lots of good stuff on the internet, too. (Evidently, she’d also watched a video of a baby goat being born, and thought that was fantastic.) But that she needed mom and dad to help her learn how to stay safe. I told her there was a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet, and if she couldn’t follow our rules about using the internet, then we’d have to protect her and keep her safe by not allowing her to use the computer at all.
I also told her I think God made sure I caught her, in order to rescue her. She agreed that she’d gotten in way over her head, and she even thanked me for pulling her out. But she kept crying. I think what she saw damaged her innocent little soul. We prayed together that God would repair the damage, but my heart aches to think of it.
So now, she’s grounded from computer use for a week. And when she comes back to the computer, she will find some new safety features in force, thanks to her computer-programming daddy.
I’m glad I didn’t yell at her. She already was suffering from her foolishness, and didn’t need further punishment. But part of me wishes that she’d gotten on some harmless kids’ site and that I’d had to yell and punish. It would have hurt her far less than what actually happened. I think she’ll be okay. I’m just glad I caught her in time.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents . Email This Post
25
January
2007
by Meredith Efken
This blog exists not just to provide a way for you to get to know me. It’s also for me (and my readers) to get to know you. So why not become a Violet Voice by posting on my blog?
If you look at the top of the right sidebar, under “Pages” you’ll see a link that says “Tell Your Story!” This gives you all the information you need to be able to post your story on Violet Voices.
It’s pretty simple. You register, and put in your personal information that you’d like to be upgraded to a contributor on the blog. Then you log in and post your story. I assign it to the category for you, proofread it, and get it ready to post. Then I fit it into the posting schedule.
I’m especially looking for young moms and dads, and those who are involved with international adoption. But if you like the blog, and you want to be a part, you are welcome to do so.
Please let your voice be heard!
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: International Adoption, On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
23
January
2007
By Meredith Efken
I came across this last week–my latest release, @Home For The Holidays, is available as an e-book! I had no idea! But somehow it seems terrifically ironic and appropriate for a book told all in emails to be available in electronic format. Don’t you think?
Anyway, if you are a stay-at-home mom, or a stay-at-home dad, or any sort of parent, or anyone who loves a good comedy, you might give this e-book a try. Personally, I’m still attached to my physical pages and the feel of a nice hard-copy in my hands. But I think it’s cool to think that readers can take my book along with them on their PDA or Blackberry or laptop, too.
If you decide to give it a try, let me know what you think, okay?
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
22
January
2007
by Meredith Efken
Found this CNN article over the weekend on what female celebrities go through in order to look so great for the red carpet at the awards ceremonies.
My thoughts:
1) ELECTRICAL TAPE??? They use electrical tape? THERE???
2) They PAINT ON muscle definition???
3) What would it be like to have an entire team of stylists at my command to make me look like such a fantasy?
4) Tape and underarm botox aside, the dresses and shoes are still….MMMMMmmm good!
What do YOU think?
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
11
January
2007
By Meredith Efken
I don’t know about you, but when I first became a mom, I read all those books about the different phases I should expect my child to go through. I learned about the baby stage, the toddler stage, and then I got to the Terrible Twos, Preschool stage, Kindergarten stage, and so forth.
Is it just me, or is the only stage that mentioned much about tantrums the Terrible Two stage? I mean, when my little sweetie started pitching fits and screaming around age 19 months or so, I was PREPARED! I knew it was coming, and everything I read said I’d only have to endure it for about a year or so. Just be firm. Use time out. Etc. No sweat. I could handle it.
Well…age THREE came. And the tantrums stayed. This surprised and dismayed me, but my mother finally told me that “threes are often worse than twos.” And that by age four I’d have my darling back. She was at least partially right. Four was better than three. But we still were getting far more tantrums than I would have expected.
Kindergarten came, and we started home schooling. The tantrums REALLY picked up then! I couldn’t figure out what was going on! It had to be my fault. I must be doing something horrible wrong to cause my daughter to throw fits. I felt awful. I was a Bad Mom.
I noticed, however, that over those past few years since Terrible Two, the cause of the tantrums had changed. She would get frustrated about a new skill she was having trouble with. Or her routine or expectations would be upset. Or she would get caught and get into trouble. It seemed like any time she experienced any strong emotion, it would overwhelm her and be expressed as rage.
It was pretty scary, actually.
I finally had to adjust my thinking about how I was dealing with her tantrums. They weren’t because she is spoiled or selfish. They were a matter of her lacking the ability to deal with her own emotions. So instead of ignoring her or putting her in her room like we used to do when she was two, I started working with her on the idea of self control. So when she did start to get frustrated or when she did become angry, I started telling her she needed to excuse herself and go to her room to get self control.
The problem has always been that I didn’t really know how to help her find that control within herself. Sometimes, after she would stomp upstairs and start screaming and throwing things, I would go up after her and just hold her to calm her down. But more often, I was too angry myself to be in a comforting mood, so would just let her thrash it out on her own.
The only way of controlling myself that I knew of was to simply stuff my feelings inside and not express them. I know from personal experience how unproductive that method is. So I let her rage, feeling helpless and a failure.
I wish I had found this article during those times. It draws the clear distinction between the Terrible Two type of tantrum, and the type of tantrum my daughter was dealing with as an older child. And it offers a lot of good advice about how to deal with especially the latter. It’s something not enough parent books address.
My daughter is nine now, and hasn’t had a tantrum in months. I fear we may be trading in tantrums for teenage attitude far too soon for my comfort. But I’m glad to see that she is learning to not let her negative feelings overwhelm her. I just wish I had known better how to help her through those times.
But at least I’ve come to understand better what was causing them. A lot of very intelligent, gifted children struggle with the intensity of their own emotions. And she has the added challenge of coming to terms with some unpleasant aspects of her own personal history–adoption, abandonment, etc. Looking back now, it seems it should have been obvious to me what was going on, but I guess I have to give myself the luxury of having to learn some things the hard way.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent . Email This Post
