31
October
2006
by Meredith Efken
During my 32 years on this earth, I’ve gone through several philosophical phases in my relationship with this holiday.
Up until I was 8 or so, it was one of my favorite days of the year. Not particularly because of the candy, but because I got to dress up in my dance costume from the spring before. It didn’t matter how chilly it was, I put on my costume with its scratchy netting tutu and sparkly sequins. It was all my parents could do to convince me I could NOT wear my dance shoes and MUST wear a jacket!
My dad would take my brother and me around the neighborhood. I remembered the pleasant feel of his large, rough hand, warm around mine. How fun it was to walk around the neighborhood in the dark. The chill breeze felt mysterious, and the vivid imagination of the writer I would become came alive as we walked among the other shadowed, costumed figures.
As I grew older, my parents became more concerned with the theological and spiritual history of Halloween. As Christians, they worried about the roots of the holiday, as well as the loss of innocence as more and more children were poisoned or harmed by tampered treats. They chose to bring us to activities at our church instead. We still got to dress up, but the wild mystery was traded in for the bustle of a carnival-type atmosphere at church. It was fun, but not the same.
I absorbed a lot of the negative feelings toward Halloween as I progressed into young adulthood. I never particularly hated the day, but I did feel some amount of self-righteousness in the fact that our family no longer participated in such a “satanic” holiday.
When my husband and I became parents, we decided that we would not have our children participate in Halloween at all. There were a lot of reasons–some were the ones I had been taught about the evils of the day, but some were more practical. We couldn’t afford spending $30 or more on a child’s costume that she’d wear only once. We didn’t want our children exposed too early to the frightening images, and they certainly didn’t need all that candy! Plus, it’s hard to know whose houses are trustworthy these days.
Now, I’ve relaxed a lot about the spiritual side of the holiday. The ancient roots of this day are not so much more evil than the pagan roots of Christmas or Easter, and we celebrate those holidays without hesitation. And even our concept of witches and ghosts are the stuff of fantasy and myth, not reality. So that doesn’t bother me.
The reason I now do not have our children participate in Halloween is because it’s become so much more gory and violent than when I was a child. The wild mystery has been traded in for horror and it seems the more revolting a costume, the better it is. These are not the images I want my children subjected to, especially the younger one who has an imagination as vivid as my own.
I feel sorry for what they miss out on–the chance to dress up and prowl around the neighborhood in the dark, visiting their neighbors when they’d normally be getting ready for bed. But as I see more “trunk or treat” events, church parties, and even trick or treating at the mall, it seems that the majority of parents are moving toward these safer venues. I think the days of neighborhood trick-or-treat may be almost at an end. It’s sad, really.
However, we have found a fun way to spend our Halloween evenings in recent years. Our church, the Omaha Vineyard, has a party at the home of one of our members. They have an acreage and a bonfire pit. We roast hot dogs, and have a jumping house for the kids, and even a hayrack ride. Some of the kids dress up in costumes, but a lot don’t.
Then, when it’s dark, and when we’re all full of hot dogs and sticky from roasted marshmallows and s’mores, we all gather around the bonfire for a story from another church member. He’s a master storyteller, and every year he delights us with a new yarn. As I sit by the fire, watching the flames dimly illuminate our friends’ faces, I feel the chill breeze mingling with the fire’s heat. It brings back memories of dark, mysterious nights walking the neighborhood clinging to my daddy’s hand. My imagination ignites, like the logs shoved into the fire. I snuggle my girls closer, enjoying the feel of being warm in the midst of this chilly night.
I’m glad my children will get a taste of that after all. I’m glad that we haven’t had to completely strip the mystery from our children’s lives. I’m glad to have a way to celebrate the imagination and even the supernatural in a way that is not harmful to our children. I hope they’ll have special memories of that time as I do.
Happy Halloween, everyone! May it be a wildly beautiful, mysterious, and imaginative night for you all.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent . 
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25
October
2006
Today is my husband’s 34th birthday. That in itself makes it a special day. Every time I look at him, I can’t help but think, “How did I get so darn lucky as to be spending my life with such a guy?” He’s due home from work in about fifteen minutes, and I just can’t wait–even though I just saw him at lunch. (The girls and I took him to Don and Millie’s restaurant in honor of the day.) He’s truly a rare and beautiful treasure. And for all the girls that passed him over in college because they thought he was just a “nice guy” but nothing exciting, I have only one thing to say…
Neener neener neener!!! *thumbing my nose*
(Me and my sweetheart at a Denver B&B this summer for ICRS, dressed up to attend the Christy Awards.)
But this is also a special day for another reason–one year ago today, my first novel, SAHM I Am, was released. I remember specifically avoiding bookstores on this day–wanting desperately to see my book on the shelf and yet scared that it wouldn’t be there and I’d be disappointed.
And now this year, the sequel, @Home For The Holidays, is available, too. (I think the official release date was actually yesterday.)
It feels sort of like the difference between having the first child and then having the second one. Lots of angst and nail-biting and ecstacy and anticipation last year at this time. Lots of running to the bookstores (after I heard that yes, the book was ON the shelf) just to stand and grin at the little stack of MY books.
This year, it’s a little different. I’m still VERY excited, and I want everyone to check out @Home because it’s a terrific story. And I will still end up oogling the Christian fiction section of every bookstore I visit, just to see if it’s there. But I’m calmer this year. It’s a terrific book, but I also have more realistic expectations about it. It’s not likely going to take the literary world by storm or turn me into a celebrity. (Not that I expected the first book to do that exactly…but a girl fantazises, you know.)
But still, it’s MY “baby” and having two novels in print is no small thing. So please excuse me for my proud parent moment…I’m going to whip out the photos and show you my “kids.” I hope you will check them out!
Here’s my debut novel, on its first birthday:
Sahm I Am
Isn’t it CUTE???
And here’s my newborn novel, only about a day old. It’s a Christmas story about the same group of stay-at-home moms as my first novel. A comedy about motherhood, fatherhood, stay-at-home parents, and how we celebrate the holiday season. It also has story threads in it about international adoption, embryo adoption, and the “War on Christmas.” (Ooohh, that one was a LOT of fun!) Publisher’s Weekly said the satire of Rosalyn was “delicious”–high praise from that particular publication!
@Home For The Holidays
Happy Birthday, everyone! (And pick up a copy of my book!)
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: International Adoption, On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
12
October
2006
by Meredith (and Francine)
I’m sitting at my desk with a new friend I met today. Francine. She’s one of the gals in my neighborhood that I’ve written about before. And we’re having a sleep-over, as she’s in transition to a new, and hopefully more enjoyable life. I thought she should have a chance to tell HER story. So here she is…
I’m a mom with nine kids, ages 12-25. We used to live on an Indian reservation, out in the country. We had raccoons, deer, and eagles in our area. My kids loved playing outside.
My husband and I split up, and he took the kids, and I ended up in Omaha. I started hanging around some people that were into drugs and prostitution, and I guess I just ended up becoming like them. I’ve been on the streets the past two years. It’s scary. You don’t know who you can trust, but you have to take the chance anyway, just to have a place to sleep at night. I’ve spent nights in empty buildings, laundry rooms in apartment buildings, and at the houses of people I know–who usually want a part of me in exchange for a place to sleep.
I got tired of being this way. I want to change. I’ve been clean for five days now. It feels good. I’m not giving my self to anybody any more.
I need people to encourage me, not put me down. Every time I hear someone say something negative about me being this way, it makes me want to go back to the old way–the drugs, etc. I need people to see me as worth something.
My dream is to have my family back. I know it won’t happen right away. But that’s what I want.
I want that for Francine, too. Please pray for her, because she is my sister. She is every woman’s sister. She’s a mom, just like me, just like a lot of you. And she is so very, very valuable and precious.
Please pray for Francine. And please find ways to love her and others in similar situations. We’re all God’s children, and need His grace and protection.
Thanks.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Women's Voices . Email This Post
8
October
2006
by Meredith Efken
One Sunday a month, I’m supposed to blog on FaithChicks. It’s a hit-or-miss proposition for me, but this month I hit it. So in honor of that achievement, I’m posting the link here. It’s sort of a follow up to my post here last week about the school shootings, as well as another plug for my friend Dream’s blog about praying for our enemies. Read it and then let me know what you think!
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
3
October
2006
by Meredith Efken
I don’t think this will be a very coherent post. How can I write rationally and calmly about what sort of perverse rage propels two school shootings in one week? Two shootings targeted at female students. Hugo Schwyzer has a summary and reflections on this, including links to a news article for each.
It’s a violent spill-over of a female-targeted rage that expresses itself in our country in rape, abuse, and other mistreatment of women.
Every. Single. Day.
But this time, in one week, five high school girls paid for this rage with their lives. And several others are still hospitalized. You can’t even play the “blame the victim” game. These girls had nothing to do with their killers. They were innocent. The ones in Colorado were sexually assaulted. The ones in Pennsylvania were bound and executed.
Oh GOD! Can you hear my heart screaming? The Image of God…so divided. So broken. Brothers killing their sisters.
So much hate. So much violence.
Jesus, help us. Show us the way out. Show us how to heal. How to unite. Put the pieces of Your Image back together and make us whole.
Somehow, these tragedies MUST stop.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
30
September
2006
by Meredith Efken
In August, I posted what I wanted for my birthday. It had to do with a young woman I met in my neighborhood named Jeanette.
Well, God knows how to give GREAT gifts, because a couple weeks ago, I saw her again. Next door. She was surprised and very pleased that I’d remembered her name. She commented again on how much she loves my roses. And she had a surprise for me.
She had moved in next door!
It’s amazing how God works. I told her that I wanted to be her friend, and that anytime she needed anything, just come knock on my door. I said I’d like her to come over for dinner sometime. She said she’d love that. Then she had to go–off with some guy in a car. I’m not sure I want to know the details beyond that–my heart is breaking enough with my educated guesses.
Then I was out of town for the writers conference. I think I saw her once this past week, her hair all done up in curls, getting ready to go out yet again. But the last couple of days, nothing. She’s been on my mind and heart a lot, and I’m starting to worry about her.
So I decided to keep an eye on the traffic coming and going next door and start asking about her. I asked one man who had come to “visit a friend.” He thought he knew who I was talking about, but hadn’t seen her. He seemed a bit bemused that I wanted to find her. “You’re just a friendly type of person, huh?” Yeah…that’s me. Just bein’ neighborly, y’know. 
Then, I saw a blond gal that I thought was her for a moment. But it wasn’t. This one’s name is Terri. She, too, was on her way out somewhere, but she took the time to chat with me.
She said she thought Jeanette had gotten picked up yesterday on “a warrant for…something” (Yeah, three guesses on what the “something” is…) and was still in jail. She was amazed when I said I was a friend and was going to try to find a way to visit her. Even more amazed when I told her that I wanted her and her other friends to know if they ever needed anything, to come knock on my door.
I said I’d love to have her over for dinner sometime. She said it was really rare to meet somebody like that. I was afraid I was maybe moving too fast and freaking her out, and I said so.
Her response made me want to cry. “No, not at all,” she said. “Some days, dinner would be really appreciated.”
Oh God–when You said giving even a drink of water was a gift done unto You, I used to think you were exaggerated for the sake of making a point. But there are Your children out there for whom a drink of water, a simple meal, is a real gift. The pain of that fresh understanding breaks my heart, but I’m so glad for the insight. Now, I want the open doors to do something about it.
So, please, everybody, pray for Jeanette…and now for Terri, too. God loves them, and they need us to love them as well.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
26
September
2006
by Meredith Efken
I got back Sunday from the American Christian Fiction Writers national conference. I had a great time–got to talk with my agent and my editor from Steeple Hill, as well as spend time with dear friends and make fabulous new friends. I’ll be posting some pictures and stories of the conference over the coming weeks.
But one of the highlights of the conference for me was when Barbour Publishing announced two new contracts being given to first-time ACFW authors. This is a tradition they started several years ago, and it’s always fun to be able to actually see the moment someone finds out they are going to become a published author.
This year, one of the recipients was unable to attend. By now, I’m sure she’s been notified, so I’m going to spread the good news here on this blog.
I’m very pleased to announce that our own Vasthi Acosta will be having a novella published in an upcoming Barbour novella anthology! I wasn’t able to catch the title of it, so I’ll have to let her post all the details herself.
I’m so proud of you, Vasthi! I know it’s been a lot of hard work and study to reach this point, and I hope and pray that it is only the start of a long and successful writing career.
Please take a moment and post a comment to celebrate Vasthi with me!
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
22
September
2006
Danica (aka Dream), a friend of mine, has started a terrific new blog about praying for our enemies. I think it’s a tremendous idea, and I really admire that she is also using the blog to record the challenges of making such a commitment. When we have friends who are that willing to actually put Jesus’ words into action, I think they deserve lots of support and encouragement. So go leave some positive comments–and if you have an enemy you want to pray for, you can get that person on the list. Only do be sensitive and maybe use a nickname or common first name.
I was contemplating who I would put on the list. Several people I currently dislike came to my mind, such as the President and people running this government, but I guess I would have to stop short of calling them my “enemies.” I see them as lost, broken people who are doing wrong things because they are sinful. And though those wrong things hurt people, I still am having a hard time seeing them as my enemies.
But I think they need prayer anyway. So, Dream, if you happen to read this, please include them on your list–at least mentally. I don’t want to pressure you to put political figures on your list on the blog unless you want to, but I do think our political leaders are in need of much prayer.
Also, I’m praying for Lionel in apartment 7, next door to us. He’s a drug dealer and pimp, and he needs Jesus. Again, I can’t quite consider him my enemy, and I believe that God is at work in his life, but he needs lots of prayer.
Thanks, Dream, for such a GREAT idea. I hope God blesses you in big ways because of your endeavor.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
21
September
2006
By Meredith
I don’t think a lot of guys read this blog, but just in case… be warned. What follows is information about “girl stuff.” Guys, if you’re squeamish about womanly matters, you may want to skip this.
It’s that time of month again. (Men, I DID warn you…) I’ve been wanting to post for a while on the subject of menstrual products, and this seems an appropriate time–for me, anyway–to do so.
Our culture is lightyears from how ancient cultures are portrayed when it comes to our attitudes about monthly cycles. It used to be that menstruation was a rite of passage, a “congratulations, now you are a woman” event that was celebrated. Not anymore! Now we talk about “Aunt Flo” as if she’s the most unwelcome member of any family anywhere.
And with good reason. I used to hate having my periods. The cramping, the facial breakouts, the tiredness, the moodiness, and most of all–having to manage pads or tampons for a week. Not just manage, but BUY them. I resented this part of being a woman. Nice that it means I can probably get pregnant, but considering I’m not all that interested in any more pregnancies at this point, I couldn’t see any other real benefits.
Then there’s the environmental impact of all these pads and tampons. OasisDesign.net figures that every year American women throw away enough pads and tampons to fill up 12,166,166 trash cans! And these products are not biodegradable or recyclable, either. We generate more trash with our menstrual products than we do with disposable diapers, on average.
Plus, there are no regulations on what goes into making these products. Most of them are perfumed and bleached, but not really sterile, no matter what the phrase “sanitary napkins” makes us think.
Not to mention the cost. Spread out over 30-some years, it may not seem like much, but I’ve read estimates anywhere between $3,000-$6,000 spent on pads and other products for one woman’s menstrual lifetime.
This is why I made the switch to alternative menstrual products. I looked around for a while and found cloth pads I really like. They don’t itch, crackle, or shred. They don’t leak. They don’t smell. They come in cute fabric patterns, and are easy to take care of. After you use one, you soak it in plain water for the rest of the cycle. After the cycle, you just throw them in the washing machine and dryer, and then they’re ready for next month. No bleaching, no fabric softener. They can last between 5-7 years.
And to make it even more economical, try a menstrual cup. There’s a couple different kinds. I use the Diva Cup, made from medical grade silicone. Like a tampon, the cup is internally worn, but it catches your flow instead of absorbing it. This means you don’t get dried out inside, and you don’t have to worry about TSS or other infections. I use it along with a cloth pad for my heaviest days, but most of the rest of the time, I can just use the cup. It is very comfortable–I can’t even tell I’m wearing it. And I can wear it for swimming or with thong panties, etc.
There was an unexpected result for me when I switched over, especially to using the Diva Cup. It changed the way I view my body, and how I view menstruation. The Cup requires you to be more aware of your physiology, and it requires you to become more aware of how your cycles work. I have grown to appreciate and even admire the way God made me. How He made us as women. We truly are “fearfully and wonderfully made” as the Psalmist says.
I learned there is nothing “gross” about my monthly blood. It is pure and it is precious to God. I don’t have to hide myself from its reality. I still have some of the other effects, such as cramping, skin problems, etc. but I am trying various herbal remedies and diet solutions to address these issues. And a lot of it has improved as my resentment of my own body has disappeared.
When my daughters reach the age of their first cycles, my plan is to put together a kit for them with cloth pads and a menstrual cup. I don’t want to go as far as some women have gone, where they practically worship their own bodies. But I do want my girls to know that menstruation is a good, God-given thing. Not something shameful.
What about you? Any Divas out there?
Other Links:
Glad Rags
Luna Pads
Myths About Washable Pads
Putting An End To The Curse
Mama Elle
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
19
September
2006
I’ve started a new business this past summer. I’m now the proud proprietor of the Fiction Fix-It Shop, a freelance fiction editing service. If you are writing fiction, or have friends who do, please check it out!
It’s going well so far, and I’m excited about it. But it’s yet another thing on top of my own writing, homeschooling, and church ministry. I need to do it because we need the income. In fact, every thing I’m currently involved in are things I feel I am supposed to be doing.
And sometimes it is overwhelming. Like right now. I leave tomorrow for a writers conference. I’m supposed to be giving a “Late Night Chat” about writing and being a parent. How to make it work. I’m not so sure I have a lot of advice to give on that subject. Sometimes, I’m not sure how to make it work for me, much less anyone else.
This morning, I lay in bed for awhile, just praying that God would help me order and prioritize my day. There’s so much to be done, and I know there is little time. I just have to trust Him that what must be done will get done, somehow. And that it’s okay to leave the rest of it until another time.
So when people ask me “how do you do it all?” I usually say “I don’t!” But it’s true that I’m doing a lot. And somehow it’s working. It’s God, not me, that’s for sure.
And honestly, it’s really exciting to be able to say I’m self-employed. I’ve been self-employed with my writing for several years. But adding the editing is a different kind of self-employment, it seems. I’m not sure how to explain it, but offering a service to other writers feels different than working on my own art. I like both my careers, but the Fiction Fix-It Shop makes me feel like a businesswoman in a way the writing doesn’t.
I just hope and pray I’m not in over my head!
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
