11
October
2006
by Gina
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I used to sit in church and pray that God would just “zap” me and make me the person I really want to be. But after thirty plus years I’m learning that God doesn’t work that way - for most of us.
For years I’ve struggled with certain things, personality flaws so to speak. I’ve blamed it on my Italian New York upbringing, my parents divorce, the critical people in my life, etc. While that may be part of who I am, it’s not the whole me and I don’t have to continue to be the person of my youth.
I’m learning that just because I read a parenting book or go through a 12 week Bible study, doesn’t mean at the end I will be miraculously transformed. I can’t begin to tell you how many books I’ve read on the same subject and I still struggle with the same things.
…be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Renewing. I guess I could break out all the concordances and go back to the original Hebrew or Greek to find out the origin of this word, but to me it means continual. I need to feed my mind continually so my heart will be bathed in the truth and love of Jesus Christ. Reading a book on parenting isn’t going to change me. But when I continue to read books, meditate on scripture and pay attention in church, then my mind will be renewed on a continual basis. Then I will be able to stand against the enemy as he throws his fiery darts my way.
Do I still wish God would just “zap” me and end all my struggles? Sure. But I don’t pray for it as much as I did before. I don’t except to be miraculous transformed, instead I continue to renew my mind and one day “when He appears, we (I) shall be like Him, for we (I) shall see Him as He is. (1 John 3:2)
Gina Conroy is a homeschooling mom of four and founder of Writer…Interrupted. For more musings by this author visit Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted.
Written By: Gina
Posted under: Women's Voices . 
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26
August
2006
After reading Meredith’s experience with THE TALK, I thought I’d share my own story with my oldest who was nine at the time:
Reposted from May 2004
There’s two things I’ve dreaded as a parent so far. One is potty training (three down , one to go) and the other is THE TALK (one down, three to go).
A couple of weeks ago I summoned up the nerve to read the first book in the Before I was Born series. It says you should read it to your kids when they are three – five years old. Mine were six and nine.
Even though I had never actually had THE TALK with them before, I had been trying to prepare them for it in subtle ways by talking about babies and how you need a mommy and daddy to have a baby. They never really asked questions, and were satisfied that God made babies… except once while I was driving, Chris was three and he asked where the baby came out.
After running a red light and nearly missing a pedestrian, I tried to change the subject, and we ended up playing a silly game which sounded something like this, “Mommy, does the baby come out of your elbow… giggles, how about your nose…†more giggles and so on.
I was more than happy to play along. When he was a little older he was satisfied with the answer that God made a special opening for the baby to come out and it was near a mommy’s bottom. Of course the image of that brought chuckles.
Well, a couple of weeks ago we read the book and my children finally learned the proper names for male and female body parts. But that was about it. I dreaded the next step which would get a little more informative, but I ordered the book from the library anyway.
I was 44th on the waiting list. I took a deep breath of relief knowing I still had some time before the big talk. My main motivation for THE TALK was that my son was going to camp this summer and although he’s been sheltered so far, I was afraid he might hear something from someone else. But I also dreaded THIS TALK because I know how the sight of his brothers running around naked grosses him out.
Finally the book arrived two weeks ago and I read it over and stuck it in a drawer. Everything was explained pretty well, except I wasn’t ready to describe the physical act to him yet. I already decided that I would wait to tell Joey,his 6 year old brother, and I wanted Chris (9) to feel that this was something special that we wanted to share with him.
Finally the day came when I had to return the book, but we hadn’t had THE TALK yet. My husband didn’t even know I had the book, but I knew the talk had to happen soon. The book is now overdue, but we decided paying a small fine was better than chickening out and waiting another couple of months…or years.
I don’t know why this part of parenting is so hard… well actually I do know why. I grew up in a home without a father. I don’t remember my mom ever sitting me down and telling me. She said when I was really little I asked questions and she answered them. But the things I do remember learning about sex growing up was all nasty talk on the school bus or in movies I was definitely too young to see. I still can’t believe my mother let me see Saturday Night Fever in the theatre when I was 10 or 12.
Another part is how your child sees you. Having THE TALK (in my opinion) causes your child to see you in a different way. For me, it was a way in which I wasn’t ready for my child to see me.
Any way, getting back on track. Tonight we decided it was the night. About a week ago, Chris informed me he was looking through a children’s science book and read something about babies and the woman’s cell… I couldn’t exactly figure out what he already knew, but somehow I felt it might make our job easier. So tonight, Chris, my husband and I snuggled in our bed (we read a lot there and wanted to make it comfortable for everyone.)
We started out by sharing that what we were reading was something for his ears only and not for his brothers and we felt he was old enough to hear it. (We knew this would make his feel special and important.)
He kind of knew what was coming because he got all silly and embarrased and covered his face and said, “Oh I don’t think I want to hear it… Oh, I wish I had never read that science book.” and he stuck his head under the covers and giggled some more.
Surprisingly enough his giddy embarrassment started us laughing and made me feel more comfortable. We asked him what he was embarrassed about and what he already knew. Chris just hit his head several times and said, “Uh, I don’t know anything. My brain is not working right.” But he still had that look on his face that said, “I want to know, but I don’t want to know.”
I could tell he was in giddy distress, so I became serious and said, “If you don’t want to read the book we don’t have to.” Chris replied, “Uh, I think I do.” So I assured him that if he wanted to stop at any point, he could just say so. So we just started reading and every page we’d ask him, “Do you want to hear more?” He covered his eyes or pulled the covers over his face and said timidly, “I think so.” So we moved forward.
A couple of the pictures embarrassed him, like the picture of Adam and Eve (covered by fig leaves) shocked him into silliness. But slowly we conveyed God’s plan for our changing bodies and marriage. We avoided the word sex, instead we said God has a special gift for husbands and wives to share with each other. The reason we decided NOT to use the word sex is because you can’t turn on the televsion without that word being on every channel, even during previews and commercials. I didn’t want him to think about IT everytime he heard the word sex. In the past we explained the word to him as in gender… male and female. For now and for his age, we know it is the right decision.
We knew by his reactions throughout THE TALK that although the book got into a little more detail, we would not be graphic in our description. You should have seen his eyes pop out of his head when we told him husbands and wives can lay in bed naked together if they wanted to. And when we told him their ‘privates’ need to touch to make a baby, he didn’t believe us.
I think the biggest question he had was how pee and sperm came out of the same place. He laughed at the thought of pee entering the woman, and we tried to explain between the gigles and disbelief that it can’t happen at the same time. He got really silly about the “privates” touching and did a little dance and said, “What, do they Tango?” It was incredibly funny and we all started laughing.
Well, at least THE TALK was more fun than I thought it would be and Chris wasn’t grossed out by anything. At least he didn’t show that he was. And I beleive he was ready to hear as much as he heard, but I still am glad I didn’t dump it all on him at once. He’s still young and I want to preserve his moral innocence as long as I can.
When we finished, we reminded him not to share this information with anyone and before we could finish explaining why he said with big eyes, “Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone… not even Joey (his brother). He won’t be able to handle it. He’d go to church tomorrow and say ‘Penis, penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina…” He said it in this sing song voice that made us crack up again.
Okay so I know THE TALK should probably have been a little more serious, but at least we had fun and now I know that even if we have to talk about serious stuff, we could still lighten the mood with a joke.
One down, Three to go…
Gina Conroy is a homeschooling writing mom of four. For more musings by this author, visit her blogs http://www.portraitofawriter.blogspot.com and http://writermominterrupted.blogspot.com
Written By: Gina
Posted under: On Being a Parent . Email This Post
24
August
2006
PS 2, Nintendo, X-Box. Whatever you want to call it, I’m convinced it was sent here straight from the pit to torture moms. Is it just my family, or do your kids turn into little monsters, fighting and jockeying for their game time?
My youngest has just started playing with her brothers. That makes four kids arguing over the Nintendo. I’ve tried everything. I’ve limited their time playing by using a kitchen timer, but that sometimes sets me up for more trouble.
“Mom, he went over his time again!”
“Hey, give me that it’s my turn.”
“Moooom!”
Crash! Bang! Whine!
Then we moved the games into my oldest son’s room.
“Mom, they’re in my room again!”
“Yes, I know. I said they could play Nintendo.”
“But there destroying the place…”
Slam! Bang! Whine!
“Mom, he locked me out of the room again.”
Recently my son got the tv and games taken out for not letting his brothers into his room. This has been an ongoing problem we haven’t figured out how to solve yet. How can he have his privacy and keep the little ones from tearing up his room when the family game unit is in his room? Just take it out! Problem solved, somehow I don’t think so. Well see.
How about the “mom, he’s not letting me win!” whine. Or the “mom, he turned off the game” scuffle. Did I meniton I think these games are sent from the evil one?
During the school year our kids were not allowed to play the games during the week and only 30 minutes each day on the weekend. My kids thought I was sent from the evil one, especially when their friends played hours after school.
“Mom, so and so gets to play as long as he wants.”
“I’ve talked to so and so’s mom and that’s not true.”
“A different so and so says he feels sorry for me and that you’re the meanest mom in the world.”
Well, then I talked to some moms about this problem and learned that one mom made her children earn game time. As much as they practiced piano, they could play PS2. Guess what we’re doing this summer?
One son is playing a lot of piano, the other is doing a lot of complaining.
“Mom, why do we always have to earn fun?”
“Do you have to earn time at the water park, the movies, sleepovers?”
“No.” Head hung low in defeat.
Subtle grin of satisfaction on my face.
But I’m not a complete ogre. I often surprise them with free game time, espcially when friends are over. Still, I’m thinking of putting the game systems away for a while. I did this once when the fighting and never ending question “when can we play PS2?” was driving me up a wall. I had a very peaceful few months without the kids asking to play.
I’m at that point again, ready to pack up the games. Just moments ago I heard arguing from up stairs, now all is quiet. It’s one of those free game times, and I figure as long as they’re quiet and happy I’m be able to type away. So, are these game systems sent from the evil one or a blessing from God? I guess it all depends when you ask me!
So how do you handle this problem at your home? And if it isn’t a problem, please let me in on your secret!!
Written By: Gina
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Women's Voices . Email This Post
21
August
2006
A couple of weeks ago my nine year old son started reading the Bible. His goal was to read from Genesis all the way through. I thought it was a great idea, and I was so proud that he would be interested in this on his own. It also coincided with a Bible dramatization tape series we’ve been listening to.
Today as we listened to the story of Abraham and the three strangers my son was already familiar with the story. I was interested in how the tape series was going to handle the Angels at Lot’s house where the Sodomites wanted to “lie” with the strangers. They skipped that whole scene and made it age appropriate on the tape series.
Tonight we were supposed to read Little Pilgrims Progess together, but it got too late and my nine year old was disappointed to the point of disobedience, where he came out of his room to whine and complain. I tried to explain things to him and then distracted him and he felt better. He asked if he could read the Bible before bed. I said sure. He then said “I think the tape is ahead of me.”
Light bulb goes on in my mind! I don’t think he got to the part about Lot and the strangers. So I tell him to bring me his Bible and let me see where he’s at. Lo and behold, I read the dreaded passage where the men of the town want to have sex with the strangers. Yes, that’s what it said in his translation.
Near panic came over me. Did I want my son to read this? No. I haven’t had “the talk” with him yet, and I sure didn’t want to have to explain homosexual rape! So, I told him the next chapter wasn’t appropriate for him to read. He was stunned and said, “Mom, I don’t understand. How could the Holy Bible be inappropriate?”
Thus began the discussion of sinful people and that it’s in the Bible to show us what not to do and the consequence’s of our sin, but he was too young to know these things, and I didn’t want his mind to be filled with bad things that might scare him. I related it to how I tell him to close his eyes when something inappropriate or violent comes on the TV.
I then suggested he read the New Testament and at his age he should fill his mind and heart with getting to know Jesus better. He mentioned some stories in the Bible like Joseph and Moses and wanted to read those. I started to go through the Old Testament to see what he could read, but then he said, “I should stick to the New Testament so I don’t get tempted to read the bad stuff!”
Bullet dodged for now! Tonight I’m thanking God for my son’s disobedience. It just might have saved his little heart from knowing too much too soon!
Written By: Gina
Posted under: On Being a Parent . Email This Post
16
August
2006
The doors swung open, and I stepped through the red velvet curtain. A gentleman dressed in a red knee length suit jacket greeted me with a smile and handed me a paper. As I walked down the plush red carpet, dark silhouettes assaulted me with bright flashing lights. I stepped into the smoke filled room, momentarily blinded by the flashing bulbs and fog. The smell of buttered popcorn and espresso wafted through the air. When my eyes adjusted to the scene, I almost gasped out loud. I wished the smoke hadn’t cleared so quickly.
Dorothy, with Toto (a real live dog) in hand, smiled us. Beside her, the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion, waved. To the right, a giant mechanical elephant and jungle man greeted us. Further up ahead, CDs, books and t-shirts were available for purchase.
I had to blink twice to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I’m really glad I didn’t pinch myself because it wasn’t a dream. It was Sunday morning church.
I’ve mentioned before how after 12 years at our church we felt the prompting to find a new church home. We settled at a hip church for about a year, but after a pastoral turnover felt it just wasn’t the right place for us anymore.
On our quest to find a new church home we’ve run the gambit, attending a tradition denominational church, to what I call a “condemning†church where the whole time your repenting from what an evil sinner you are. Then there was the “African†church, the “radical missions†church, the “laid back flip flop wearing pastor†church, the “mega†church, the “conservative†church, etc, etc.
While we enjoyed certain aspects of all these churches, they just didn’t seem to be the right fit. Still we haven’t ruled out all of them for the simple reason that we attended most of these churches during a special program.
Case in point. The church we attended on Sunday. Their theme was “At The Movies.†Now, I have nothing against having fun in church, but when it seems to come before everything else, that bugs me. The praise and worship seemed more like a rock concert, and I had trouble worshipping. The service, though entertaining, was obviously seeker friendly. I came for meat and got a milkshake.
Now I know churches like this have their place. In today’s society sometimes you need the bells and whistles just to get people through the door. Still I couldn’t help thinking about Jesus when he overturned the merchant tables in the Temple. He said, “How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!” (John 2:16. For full context go here.)
I just couldn’t help thinking that if in an attempt to make church more fun and attractive, maybe we’re trying to sell Christianity. If Jesus walked into some of these churches would he pull up a seat or start overturning tables? It just makes me wonder.
Think about it. Jesus wasn’t popular. He wasn’t attractive. He didn’t have a mega church with the latest audio visual equipment. Kids didn’t have jupiter jumps and arcades in their church service. His sermons had no bells or whistles (except miracles :)), but what he had was the truth.
Like I said, I like to have fun in church and fun has its place. But when we place that above really connecting with God, it just makes me wonder…
Written By: Gina
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
14
August
2006
I’ve started on a spiritual journey that has me intrigued and excited. Revolution Within and the companion workbook Experience Christ Within by Dwight Edwards is a fresh look at God’s covenant with his people. I’ve only completed the first chapter which was very indepth and time consuming with tons of scripture references to look up, but the good thing is I’m doing this study on my own and there’s no group deadline. So I can take my time to really absorb these principles.
To sum it up I’ll quote from the workbook:
“In the Old Covenant (the law), God’s people were instructed with the repeated words, ‘You shall…’ and ‘You shall not…’
But in the New Covenant, the watchword is no longer ‘You shall,’ but God’s ‘I will’:
‘I will put My law in their minds…and I will be their God…I will forgive their iniquity’; ‘I will cleanse you…I will give you a new heart…I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statues.’ (Jeremiah 31:33-34; Ezekiel 36:25-27)
Nothing is more fundamental to understanding and appreciating the difference between the two covenants than these two phrases.”
Did you get what the scripture is saying? For Choleric Meloncholies like me it has been the beginning of my freeing from doing, striving, trying to be perfect and right. What the new covenant says to me is that I don’t have to strive to be perfect. I can’t be perfect, that’s what the old covenant, the law, has shown us. I can’t do it, so God must! And he did by sending us Jesus.
In the old covenant we are told that obedience is our righteousness.(Deut. 5:28-33; 6:1-9,17-19, 24-25; 8:1-20, 11:8-21) In the new covenant Christ is the end of the law so there might be righteousness for those who believe. (Matthew 5:17-18; Romans 8:3-4, 10:4)
I’m just beginning to grasp the truth of this.
One of the other reasons I’m excited about this study is because it relates to my momlit I’m brainstorming. I’m beginning to realize my character is living under the old law of striving to do what’s right, but she’s failing miserably. She is easily swayed by other people’s advice, yet forgets to turn to God for the answers. She doesn’t trust herself to hear the voice of God, so she resorts to living under the old law.
I’m excited to see where all this leads…for me and my character.
Written By: Gina
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
11
August
2006
So many things distract us from our true calling in life. It’s an easy way for the enemy to keep us headed down the wrong path, the path which though seemingly innocent doesn’t line up with the purpose God has designed us for.
Take for example my recent attempt to sell on ebay. I figured I was a great buyer, so why not try selling? Well, though gifted in buying, it seems I should leave the selling to others. Not only did it rob me of 9 precious hours to list 12 items, I think I lost money on the deal. I guess I’ll stick to buying and donate more to goodwill.
Many things in my life, though good, may not be right for me at the time. I’m still trying to figure out what the RIGHT thing is right now. I have so many interests and hobbies that I usually spread myself too thin. I’m trying to learn balance in all areas.
And then there’s blogging? Talk about a distraction! I admit I’ve been on the computer way too much this summer, and it’s gotten out of balance. I know I need to check my email a couple times a day, not a couple dozen, because when I do I get sucked into cyberspace and my kids end of watching too much television.
So how do you handle life’s distractions? The “have to dos” and “want to dos” of life that keep you from the “meant to dos?”
Written By: Gina
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
7
August
2006
The other morning I sat down with my three and five year old for a quick devotion. I usually don’t get around to devotions with my little ones, but on this morning I had managed some quiet time myself before they got up. When they came to sit besides me I set aside my Bible and seized the moment, never knowing that their children’s devotion would be just what I needed. Giving Up Things for Jesus.
That was the title of the lesson taken from Luke 5:10-11 and the story about when Jesus called Simon to follow Him. Simon loved to fish. It was all he knew to do, and he was good at it. But Jesus wanted Simon to tell others about the Kingdom of God. Jesus wanted Simon to follow Him.
Wow! That totally hit me where I was. Loving something so much, something I was good at and felt called to, and then being asked to give it up.
Jesus didn’t promise Simon would always have a roof over his head, or the road would be easy. He simply said, “be a fisher of men.†And that’s what Simon did.
Simon could have stayed behind and continued fishing, and he probably would have been happy and content. But Simon gave up what he loved. He traded in his fishing gear for something better.
Jesus.
God may never ask you to give up what you love, but maybe He’ll ask you to set it aside for a season. If you’re obedient to what He asks of you, He’ll bless you with something more than you could ever imagine. I’m clinging to that as I walk in obedience to what He has spoken to my heart.
The devotion ended with this scripture and prayer:
“If you want to save your life, you will destroy it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find it.†Matthew 16:25
…I want to follow YOU, too Jesus. Help me give up those things that get in the way. AMEN.
Written By: Gina
Posted under: On Being a Parent . Email This Post
3
August
2006
By Gina Conroy
Almost several months ago I signed up for a Bible Study with some home schooling friends. I really didn’t feel like committing to another night out of the home especially since my family was already overscheduled with activities, but my husband encouraged me to go, and I knew I needed something to help me get into the Word and be accountable. I didn’t know the Bible study was on hearing the voice of God.
Half way through the Bible study God began to deal with me about my skewed priorities. Just like what happened to Saul on the road to Damascus, God decided to knock me off my horse. Yet, instead of blinding me as He did with Saul, the scales fell from my eyes.
The topic of discussion at our Bible study that week had been sold out hunger for God. The author Pricilla Shirer shared these words.
“More and more the Lord is showing me what I consider interruptions are often divine distractions designed to reveal His plans for me…â€
Pricilla Shirer wrote about her young son tugging on her leg, trying to get her attention while she sat engrossed in writing the Bible study. “Ignoring this interruption ignores God’s attempt to move me away from my plan for my day to His.â€
Talk about an “ah-ha†moment! It was then that I realized I was treating my children as interruptions in my life and to my writing career. I had become so focused on what I thought my calling from God was that I’d been missing His divine plan for my life.
When I decided to home school almost two years ago I felt that was an interruption in my life. The time I thought I would have to write now had to be allocated to schooling. Still I was determined to make it work even if it meant staying up past midnight and “winging it†through my lessons the following day. During a quick break or at lunch, I’d steal away to the computer and get on email only to stay longer than I had planned. My three-year-old would often interrupt what I was doing, and I’d either shoo her away or get irritated at the interruption. If I lingered too long on the computer I knew chaos would erupt in the rooms below with my boys, but somehow I couldn’t pull myself away in time to prevent the inevitable.
Pricilla goes on to write “…we all become frustrated when seemingly meaningless interruptions interfere with plans we have for our careers, families, finances, or ministries. Are we missing God’s interventions as He seeks to divert us to His will?â€
Was I missing God’s intervention as He sought to divert me to His will? I thought home schooling was an interruption in my life, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was God’s divine intervention to steer me back on the path He had already designed for me.
Pricilla said, “Sometimes when our plans are interrupted, we are staring God’s direction in the face. We must not push them aside to complete what we feel is most important.â€
I’m still learning to hear God’s voice, and I’m clinging to Isaiah 55:8-9 “My thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are not your ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than yours.â€
Gina Conroy is a homeschooling writing mom of four. This artcile was reposted for Violet Voices. For more musings by this author, visit her blog Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted.
Written By: Gina
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents . Email This Post
