13
February
2007
By Cynthia
Dear Lord,
When I have days like today, when I am frustrated with my child, with my own parenting skills — when I lose my patience and my voice begins to rise to ungodly heights — Lord, help me. I know this beautiful child you’ve give me is only testing his limits, trying to see how much he can get away with and me still love him. Lord, he doesn’t know that I will love him no matter what. He doesn’t appreciate that my discipline is to keep him from harm’s way — to save him some heartache in the future. He hasn’t matured enough to realize that mommy wants only the best for him, that mommy cannot bear the thought of him going astray. He wants what he wants because he is a child. He wants what he wants because he is human. He wants what he cannot have, because it seems so wonderfully forbidden.
I know that God. I know that because I am him. I struggle with the same thing. I, too, have seemingly uncontrollable desires. I, too, struggle in my growth to see that the denial of things is for my own good. I still sometimes reach out and touch the fire, knowing full well it is hot. That it will hurt. That it will scar. I still run to You in shame and pain needing Your healing touch. And You, how You must grieve to think that You warned me, and I didn’t listen. I cry, because I want to please you. I repent and apologize. And through all of it, I grow.
I don’t want a rebellious spirit. I don’t want a unteachable spirit. I want more of You. I want to be like You. Work in me, Oh God. Change me. Grant me wisdom for parenting and life.
Make me the mother, wife, and Christian I should be, for this is my heart’s desire.
–Amen
Written By: Cynthia
Posted under: On Being a Parent . 
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12
February
2007
By Vasthi Acosta
Sometimes I just want to live in ignorance, deceive myself into a lull of false security. Let the lies the world bombards guide me in my life decisions.
Thankfully, God loves me too much to let that go on for too long. So lately, I’ve confronted some lies in my life.
In my Sunday school class we’ve been studying a book by Tracie Peterson, Allison Bottke and Dianne O’Brian titled, I can’t do it all! Breaking free from the lies that control us. This book has made me do some serious self examination. So far, we’ve covered half of the fourteen lies presented:
I deserve to have it all, and have it all right now.
I need a man/baby/career/money to be happy and fulfilled.
I can do it all.
I can’t trust anybody.
I can make my own truth.
If I’m unhappy, I don’t have to stay.
I don’t have time to be healthy.
I must be thin to be happy — for the media tellls me so.
True love is like a romance novel.
I can be young forever.
It’s my choice.
The more I do, the more God will like me.
I don’t need to forgive — and I don’t deserve forgiveness.
I don’t need God.
I’ve learned a lot so far, mostly about myself and my need to walk in truth. I’ve learned that I have to seek God first, and as I seek Him, my heart will change, my worries will dissipate, my strength will be renewed, my path will become staright, I ‘ll never be alone and His peace will envelop me. I just need to stay connected to the source — Jesus Christ.
I also learned I’m not alone in this struggle, many women are just like me. So, what lies is the world yelling at you today? Which ones have you fallen victim to?
Just call, help is on the way.
Written By: Vasthi Acosta
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
11
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
I’m blogging today over at Faithchicks, on the subject of peace. Please come over and check it out!
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
9
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
I’m so excited to welcome Sharon Hinck to Violet Voices today. Sharon has been a friend of mine for several years, and we met at a writers conference shortly after both of us had sold our first mom-lit novels. We have the same terrific literary agent, and share a love of fine literature and intellectual stimulation.
Now, she is releasing her second mom-lit novel, Renovating Becky Miller, which is a terrific sequel to the first, The Secret Life of Becky Miller. And we’re lucky to have been including in her blog tour to welcome her new book into the world.
Her interview is below, followed by a link to more information about Renovating Becky Miller and how to get your own copy!
I’m so thrilled to be part of your blog tour, Sharon. When they asked for volunteers, I jumped at the chance.
You and I have chatted a lot about literature and the fact that we both like a good intellectually stimulating read. What literature do you think most influences your own fiction, in terms of style or themes, etc.?
Hi Meredith!
It’s so great to be here to visit. I’ve always read such a weird mish-mash that it’s hard for me to pinpoint my influences. I suppose if I was classy I’d say I have eclectic tastes. But really, it’s a hodgepodge.
As a child I read Mark Twain (The Conneticut Yankee was a favorite long before I could understand much of it) and Jack London (The Sea Wolf was far better than any episode of Survivor), Dickens, Austen, the Brontes, Robert Louis Stevenson. As I grew up I dove into every corner of our local library – but fiction was always my favorite.
Writers are often told that they can find a clue to which genre they are meant to write by looking at what they like to read. That hasn’t worked for me. I read pulp mysteries, literary fiction, sci-fi and fantasy, historicals, humorous contemporaries, dark suspense.
I’d say I’m most captivated by works that have something unexpected or blend genres in an unusual way. In recent years I’ve enjoyed Gabaldon’s Outlander series, Ella Minnow Pea (Mark Dunn), Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next books, The Stolen Child, The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. I’d love to be able to write with both intelligence and humor, with layers.
I also have read stacks and stacks of fiction by Christian authors in the past few years and love watching characters grapple with faith issues in a wide variety of genres. My fourteen-year-old daughter and I just went to a bag sale at our library and each nabbed fifty books – only $2 a bag. We were in heaven. It was fun showing each other our finds afterwards, and they ranged through every category. That must be why I’m such a “everything and the kitchen sink†kind of novelist.
I think “kitchen sink” novelists are the best kind. Speaking of kitchen sinks…here’s the question everyone always asks me—how do you balance being a wife, mom, writer, and whatever else it is that you do?
Balance? I think that page is missing from my dictionary. But I show up each day. I try to listen for God’s interruptions (because that’s where a lot of my life happens).
I hear you! In Renovating Becky Miller, your main character is working on remodeling a run-down farmhouse. I personally can relate to the remodeling a run-down house experience. Is this something you’ve gone through, too? If so, what was your worst (or funniest) remodel story?
My husband and I have fixed up and remodeled each place we’ve lived. We’re eternal optimists who continue to be startled by the problems we discover when we tackle what’s meant to be a “quick weekend project.â€
LOL! You and I are soul-sisters on that, honey.
Our first home was a poor abused little brick house that had been used as a rental before we bought it. The first night (sleeping on the floor, because we were building a closet in the bedroom) we learned that even though we’d pulled out the smelly old carpets, the house was infested with fleas. The windows looked like amber stained glass because of tobacco smoke. But the oddest discovery was when the dryer wouldn’t work and Ted tinkered with it to try to fix it. He found chicken bones in the dryer. We never did figure out why someone had been drying chicken bones in the clothes dryer.
Oh my. I’m not sure I’d WANT to know! 
Well, you’ve had a lot of mom experience…how about some free advice? My oldest daughter just turned nine and announced to me recently that she has a crush on the cousin of one of her friends. Any parenting advice or tips or encouragement for me?
On the theme of remodeling – now is the time to build a Rapunzel-style tower to keep her locked up in. And cut her hair short.
LOL! We’ll get right on that–I promise. (Oh, here…time out for a snapshot of me and Sharon at the 2006 Mount Hermon Christian Writer’s Conference. I think we both look a bit peaked…being a writer is a tough job!)Â 
Do you have any inspiring thoughts to share with the parents who read this blog who may sometimes feel as if their own lives are on hold because of the demands of their children? Is it possible for them to still pursue their own dreams and goals as well? If so, how?
Okay, this may sound weird (so what else is new?) but sometimes when I feel a little “trapped†or “limited†it comforts me to think about people who really ARE in a prison. Richard Wurmbrand (a Romanian pastor who was imprisoned and tortured for his faith) talked about feeling joy when the cell door closed on him, because he was “shut up with my Jesus.†Wow. When I’m folding the bazillionth load of laundry and wondering if God remembers I’m there in the basement, longing to make a difference in the world, I think about how Christians through the ages have taken joy in whatever circumstance they are in, and watched for ways to serve.
I’ve also noticed that with Biblical heroes. God may stir a calling to serve Him in a special way and then wait years for the big picture to unfold. I love dreaming big. I want God to use me to bring grace to a suffering world. But I’m slowly learning that God’s grace can pour out through our small choices and seemingly insignificant actions.
I want to stop measuring how valuable I am on this planet by the standards of this culture. I can’t throw a football, win American Idol, or build a mega-church. I CAN listen to my husband’s hopes, put a bandaid on a child’s skinned knee, pray with a friend, or send an encouraging email. As a SAHM, I often don’t get to set the course for my day. I spend a lot of time reacting to the needs that come up around me. And really, that’s kind of exciting. We are all sort of God’s secret agents – ready to handle any mission He sends our way.
Meredith, thanks so much for letting me pop by to visit, and I can’t wait until we have a chance to have a good long talk in person again. I love the way you convey intelligent, real women in your books, with depth and sharp wit. I also love popping in to read your blog (although I’ve had to start rationing my blog-reading time because of deadlines). Blessings! Sharon
You are welcome any time, my friend!
Please make sure to check out Sharon’s latest book, Renovating Becky Miller.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
8
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
Mom-lit author extraordinaire, Sharon Hinck, recently released her second novel. Renovating Becky Miller continues the story from The Secret Life of Becky Miller, detailing Becky’s move to a dilapidated farmhouse and her quest for a more peaceful existence.
To welcome this novel into the world, Sharon is embarking on a blog tour, and tomorrow is her stop here at Violet Voices. I have a fabulous interview with her, so you won’t want to miss it. We talk about remodeling, tween girls, balance, and finding freedom when you feel trapped by life.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
1
February
2007
by Meredith Efken
In my newfound quest to bring more peace into this world, starting in my own home, I’m trying to do a better job of teaching my kids how to resolve conflicts. Here is a good article called “Six Steps For Resolving Conflicts” that outlines an easy to use conflict resolution strategy. What strategies have you found that help you resolve conflicts?
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent . Email This Post
26
January
2007
by Meredith Efken
I walked into our study yesterday, where my oldest daughter (just turned 9 years old) was supposed to be working on her school work at the computer. What I saw instead made me want to scream.
Against all our computer rules, she was on Google video, watching a video that had a very questionable title and that had the tone and mood of the sort of explicit material you hope to God your child will never stumble across. She had headphones on, so I have no idea what new vocabulary she picked up, but the images themselves were enough to make my heart stop.
When she realized I was there, she looked quite guilty, and shut the browser down with a muttered “Sorry mom.” But I knew I couldn’t leave it at that.
I was tempted to yell at her, and punish her in the hopes that she’d never try something like that again. I felt angry at whoever had produced the video and at Google for allowing something like that on their search engine. And I felt angry at myself for not having our computer locked down so tight she’d never end up exposed to such trash.
But I think God put a restraining hand on my heart because my words came out gentle and calm. “So what did you think of that video?”
She stared at me, obviously not expecting this response from her admittedly dramatic mother. Then, she said, “I didn’t like it.”
“Why not?”
“They were mean to each other.”
“Really? What happened?” I was fearing her reply.
“These two girls were going out on a date and they slapped a waiter.”
Hmm…at least it didn’t sound like the video had shown too much yet. I think I got there in time to prevent the worst damage.
“How do you feel about that?”
Her face crumpled into tears. I pulled her onto my lap and held her, comforting her. She said, “I feel awful. It was a horrible video!”
The upshot is, she wanted to look up “dates” on the internet because she thinks dating sounds interesting. And she got way more than she could handle. We talked about how she needs to be a lot older before she’s ready to date. She agreed she wasn’t ready right now.
I made her look at me. “Listen to me. If you ever have questions about dates, boys, kissing, etc. don’t go looking on the internet for answers. You come to your mama. I promise I will never lie to you.”
And we talked about how there was lots of good stuff on the internet, too. (Evidently, she’d also watched a video of a baby goat being born, and thought that was fantastic.) But that she needed mom and dad to help her learn how to stay safe. I told her there was a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet, and if she couldn’t follow our rules about using the internet, then we’d have to protect her and keep her safe by not allowing her to use the computer at all.
I also told her I think God made sure I caught her, in order to rescue her. She agreed that she’d gotten in way over her head, and she even thanked me for pulling her out. But she kept crying. I think what she saw damaged her innocent little soul. We prayed together that God would repair the damage, but my heart aches to think of it.
So now, she’s grounded from computer use for a week. And when she comes back to the computer, she will find some new safety features in force, thanks to her computer-programming daddy.
I’m glad I didn’t yell at her. She already was suffering from her foolishness, and didn’t need further punishment. But part of me wishes that she’d gotten on some harmless kids’ site and that I’d had to yell and punish. It would have hurt her far less than what actually happened. I think she’ll be okay. I’m just glad I caught her in time.
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents . Email This Post
25
January
2007
by Meredith Efken
This blog exists not just to provide a way for you to get to know me. It’s also for me (and my readers) to get to know you. So why not become a Violet Voice by posting on my blog?
If you look at the top of the right sidebar, under “Pages” you’ll see a link that says “Tell Your Story!” This gives you all the information you need to be able to post your story on Violet Voices.
It’s pretty simple. You register, and put in your personal information that you’d like to be upgraded to a contributor on the blog. Then you log in and post your story. I assign it to the category for you, proofread it, and get it ready to post. Then I fit it into the posting schedule.
I’m especially looking for young moms and dads, and those who are involved with international adoption. But if you like the blog, and you want to be a part, you are welcome to do so.
Please let your voice be heard!
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: International Adoption, On Being a Parent, Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
23
January
2007
By Meredith Efken
I came across this last week–my latest release, @Home For The Holidays, is available as an e-book! I had no idea! But somehow it seems terrifically ironic and appropriate for a book told all in emails to be available in electronic format. Don’t you think?
Anyway, if you are a stay-at-home mom, or a stay-at-home dad, or any sort of parent, or anyone who loves a good comedy, you might give this e-book a try. Personally, I’m still attached to my physical pages and the feel of a nice hard-copy in my hands. But I think it’s cool to think that readers can take my book along with them on their PDA or Blackberry or laptop, too.
If you decide to give it a try, let me know what you think, okay?
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Stay At Home Parents, Women's Voices . Email This Post
22
January
2007
by Meredith Efken
Found this CNN article over the weekend on what female celebrities go through in order to look so great for the red carpet at the awards ceremonies.
My thoughts:
1) ELECTRICAL TAPE??? They use electrical tape? THERE???
2) They PAINT ON muscle definition???
3) What would it be like to have an entire team of stylists at my command to make me look like such a fantasy?
4) Tape and underarm botox aside, the dresses and shoes are still….MMMMMmmm good!
What do YOU think?
Written By: Meredith Efken
Posted under: Women's Voices . Email This Post
